7 Ways To Annoy Your Co-Workers on Earth Day
12:15 pm, April 22nd | by
We don’t have anything against Earth Day — in fact, we think it’s pretty great. But it’s also a reminder that while spring is bringing ever more beautiful weather our way, we’re still no closer to being able to have class outside (…so to speak; we are adults). Also, this year it falls on a Monday. O, cruel world!
To help us cope, here are a few ways to annoy your coworkers in honor of Earth Day. If we work together, we can make everyone as miserable as we are! #Hope #ReduceReuseRecycle
1.1. Use this tip every time someone opens something in a plastic wrapper tomorrow
Wait for the crinkling to subside, and when the office has resumed its church-like silence once again, let out an EXTREMELY loud sigh.
2.2. Tip for lunch
Glare at anyone who uses the microwave as you ostentatiously reheat your leftovers using a solar cooker you fashioned from an empty paper box, a hand mirror and tin foil. Do your best to maintain a neutral expression when you eat the part of your lunch that is still frozen solid.
3.3. Also at lunch
If someone lingers in front of the open fridge for too long in the office kitchen, wander by as quietly as possible until you're right behind them. Then say, loudly, "It's like you WANT the ozone layer to disappear," and scurry away.
4.4. Stake out the printer
Every time a print job begins, pause it. When your co-worker comes over to collect it, ask them politely but firmly to take a moment to think about if this is what they really want. Do they really need to print out that proposal in color? Do they need more than one copy? Are they
sure there are no typos?
5.5. Saving energy
Insist that you will only be present for meetings conducted by candlelight. This tip works better for bosses, but subordinates can hold lit taper candles in meetings, sacrificial cult ritual-style, as a way of protesting business conducted by lamp light.
6.6. Give each of your coworkers a plant for their desks
Do not bother explaining what type of plant it is and how to care for it, and don't worry if his/her desk has no natural light. Earth Day is all about innovation! If any plants are dead by Arbor Day (this Friday), weep loudly and hold funeral services. Insist that the office start a compost pile with any dead plants and position it wherever the airflow will carry the scent of sustainability to the most people in the office.
7.7. Go through everyone's garbage
If someone throws away anything that could be recycled, remove it and place it on their desk. Tag their work station using organic beet juice to spell out "EARTH MURDERER" (this is probably better done after hours, so this last tip is only for the super-committed). You're going to change lives, guys. I can feel it.
When you get fired, take a walk and enjoy the day! Mother Nature is all around us!