9 Reasons Why I Can’t Wait For
1:30 pm, March 15th | by
I donʼt think Iʼve ever been as excited for a movie as I am for Spring Breakers. UGH. Let me try that again: 2013 will prove to be the greatest year in cinematic history because A. Spring Breakers is happening and B. so is The Bling Ring. If you are brave enough to dispute this objectively true statement, the comment section is open. And I will TAKE YOU DOWN. Anyway, Spring Breakers will be released in LA and NY today, and I am so fortunate to call the former my home (for this reason only), and who is coming with me?!
Based on the trailers, this movie looks like a piece of artwork made out of trash. Is it disgustingly beautiful? Brilliantly contaminated?
Too perfect? Skrillex? I’m going to try to justify my feelings via a list, so prep your brain. And keep in mind that I haven’t seen the movie yet.
1.1. I never had a real spring break
I spent my high school and college spring breaks going to speech and debate tournaments. This movie encapsulates everything that my spring break experience was not. Do most people spring break as hard as the Spring Breakers? Is this movie basically a documentary for the typical high school/college student?
I did have a classmate who failed to turn in a grade-determining paper because he ended up in a Mexican jail during spring break...WAS HE A SPRING BREAKER?! (And no, the professor did not give him an extension. More like Spring BROKEN!) I can't wait to live vicariously through the Breakers.
2.2. BENSON. GOMEZ. HUDGENS. DIRECTORʼS WIFE.
You say, “adorable teen stars with weapons and balaclavas” and I say, “where do I sign?” I love Ashley Benson because of
Pretty Little Liars. I love Selena Gomez because of Wizards of Waverly Place and Princess Protection Program. I am okay with Vanessa Hudgens because of High School Musical, but I donʼt love her. (I really didnʼt love anyone from High School Musical besides Ashley Tisdale. Are we learning too much about me right now?) But I think I will love Hudgens in the near future, as she stars in my soon-to-be favorite ﬁlm. I donʼt know anything about Rachel Korine, but I am sure I will love her too. In conclusion: the casting deserves an A+, and I canʼt wait to have
the Disney Channel/ABC Family lens through which I view the world shattered into a million pieces.
3.3. James Franco in the role of a lifetime
A few months ago, I
excitedly begrudgingly watched the TeenNick telenovela Hollywood Heights. To my delight chagrin, James Franco popped up in the cast of relative unknowns, playing a turd playing a human movie producer. Let me try that again: he played a turdy human who was a movie producer. I...loved it.
From now on, James Franco should only play grody characters. In
Spring Breakers, the cornrows and the silver teeth and the weird mannerisms seem like steps in the right direction. No one wants to watch him be a normal dude who has to cut his arm off to save his own life. Everyone wants to watch him be a weirdo who drives around in a car with bedazzled dollar sign hubcaps. Also, the character is named Alien but pronounced "A-lean." I cannot praise this movie that I havenʼt seen highly enough.
4.4. Gucci Mane
He seems to like ice cream as much as I do, so I am a fan.
5.5. I like neon colors
After extensive detective work (i.e., watching the trailers and looking at various posters), I can conclude this movie is drenched in neon, and my brain is a simple organ easily ensorcelled by bright lights and colors. You could say I ﬁnd the lighting irresistible. I once bought a set of pens with neon ink. It made everything I wrote incredibly difﬁcult to read, but I didn't care that all my handwritten notes looked like Mission Beach in 1990.
So, no matter how exploitative this movie may be, I will almost certainly be too distracted by the bright colors to notice.
6.6. Iʼm not a Skrillex fan, but Iʼm capable of change
You may recall that my feelings regarding Vanessa Hudgens are lukewarm at best, but I predict I will be her biggest fan after I see this movie. Similarly, I donʼt listen to Skrillex, but I would venture to guess that post-SB (serious moviegoers refer to
Spring Breakers as "SB"), I will only associate Skrillex with SB (he scored the movie; try to keep up) and therefore will love Skrillex. Thatʼs how logic works.
Taking bets now on whether or not I buy the soundtrack immediately upon exiting the theater.
7.7. I wouldʼve wanted to see this if I was in middle school, but I would have to wait until I was an adult
Here is a diary entry from my 12-year-old self after seeing a trailer for
Saw a preview for
Spring Breakers, and it looks CrAzY!!!! When it comes out, my friends are going to sneak into the theater when the theater workers arenʼt looking. Too bad I know my parents wonʼt let me see it, and I canʼt sneak out b/c I do NOT want to get grounded before the Snowfall Ball. AnYwHoOoO, itʼs not like Iʼm going to copy the movie or anything!!!! I HATE wearing bikinis without a pair of boardshorts...LOL. Iʼve only seen one rated R movie EVER, and that movie was Schindlerʼs List and was sad, so it would be cool to see like a crazy rated R movie that wonʼt make me cry.
O.K. I have to go to dance class, bye!”
If nothing else, I must see this movie in honor of my boardshort collection. R.I.P.
8.8. Britney Spearsʼ music plays a big part
There is a scene in the trailer featuring the Spring Breakers singing. “...Baby One More Time”. Really impressed with that choice. And then, as if THAT wasnʼt enough, I read a review/spoiler (so, spoiler alert, I guess) that James Franco sings “Everytime." AND AS IF THAT WASNʼT BEYOND ENOUGH, he happens to be accompanying himself on the piano. I feel like I won the lottery.
9.9. The movie could be a cautionary tale
Harmony Korine, who conjured up
Spring Breakers, also wrote . Kids Kids was a brutal depiction of teen drug use, violence and sex and AIDS during the ʻ90s, and its realism made the movie all the more unsettling. I think we were supposed to learn something from it (???).
Spring Breakers also deals with drugs, sex, and violence among youth, but instead of employing gritty
realism, it goes the “D.A.R.E. video set in the Rainbow Road level of Mario Kart 64” route. My guess is that it will be 2013ʼs answer to Itʼs A Wonderful Life: Selena Gomez wakes from a scary, neon dream, and Gucci Mane tells her, “That could have been your life had you been a Spring Breaker, girl.” And then he ﬂies away, because thatʼs what
guardian angels do after their message is delivered. Whoa, sounds tremendous. Try to convince me that is not how the movie ends. TRY IT.
In conclusion, this movie will almost certainly be a ridiculous mess. But it will be
my mess. Sometimes that's enough. Also, #SpringBreeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaak #Wooooooo!
Harvard, Cinematoria, Melty, Huffington Post, Live For Films, MxDwn, DeviantArt, Fanpop, DoubleFeatureShow, Black Film]