Be Our Best Friend: Woman Who Stole $5,000 and Hid It In Her Butt
4:45 pm, September 4th | by Colette McIntyre
Bobby Gulley, a 46-year-old man from Tennessee, suspected that his girlfriend had been stealing from him. In a classic Full-Houseian maneuver, Gullen set a trap in order to prove his suspicions true. He filled two envelopes with a total of $5000 in hundred-dollar bills and placed them in a bag on the couple’s foosball table. Later that night, Gullen discovered the money was missing. After some prodding and questioning, Gullen’s girlfriend, Christie Black (of the Tennessee Blacks) admitted that she stole the cash and hid it in her personal safety deposit booty. Her savings asscount. She put it all in stocks and bottoms. Her ass — she wrapped the money and stuck it in her ass.
WBIR reports that Black was taken to a local hospital where the money wad was “removed and collected as evidence.” She was charged with theft and, presumably, dumped. (But hey, different strokes for different folks; I don’t want to yuck his yum. Besides, who knows what the going interest rate is in Black’s rectum?) But while stealing from a significant other and stashing the contraband in her butt probably certifies Black as a bad girlfriend, we think she has a lot to offer in the friendship department. Christie — can we call you, Christie? — we’d love to invite you over for a girls’ night or even go out for some tapas and red wine. For starters, inviting you out to dinner means that we’ll never have to engage in those utterly embarrassing credit card conundrums where we practically have to give the waiter a textbook of instructions on what to charge which card. We know that you’ll always have cash on you — or in you — somewhere. And lord knows what kind of mischief we’ll be able to get into, and then out of, thanks to your ingenuity! (….And a pair of tongs.) You’re a creative type; so are we! Best of all, we’ll always have somewhere to keep my lipgloss and iPhone when we’re going out to the clubs and we don’t feel like bringing a purse. Hopefully you won’t get annoyed when we keep asking to check if our new crush has texted us yet, LOL!
So give us a call, Christie. We could get matching money clips or something!