Being Creepy About Teen Girls’ Outfits Says Way More About You Than It Does About Teenage Girls
4:00 pm, May 22nd | by Colette McIntyre
I’ve had it with the concept of “modesty.” I’ve had it, OFFICIALLY! Modesty has been stigmatizing, criminalizing, and controlling female bodies ever since Eve draped succulents over her own succulents. (If you know what I’m saying.) (Ew, gross.) Yes, I am obviously against the hypersexualization and objectification of women but I am not here for patriarchal artifacts like “modesty” and “purity” that police female freedom and sexuality. The onus shouldn’t be on women to guard our “virtue” from manly men who “can’t help” but be seduced by our supple bare ankles. I have plenty of other things to think about, like how to secure an equal wage, who is coming after my reproductive rights, and how Dan could’ve been Gossip Girl when Kristen Bell did the voice-overs; I don’t have time to be the gatekeeper of sexual appropriateness.
While I know that you, my beloved reader, probably know this, it seems like no one ever cared to fill in “Generation Fabulous” blogger Vivienne Wagner. While attending her eighth-grade son’s “Academic Awards Ceremony,” Wagner was alarmed to see “exceptionally bright and disciplined” girls “pursuing hoochie-ism” (ostensibly through their short hemlines and low-cut dresses). Wagner was so alarmed that she posted photos of said hoochies to her blog under the title “examples of why I’m glad I don’t have daughters.”
“My husband and I only have boys (four of ‘em!) so seeing what many of these young ladies were wearing was kind of a shock to our systems,” Sister Wagner wrote. “Everywhere we turned there were obscenely short skirts, sky-high heels, and 13 year-olds dressed like they were going out clubbing….Now it should be clearly stated that these must all be absolutely exceptional young women. Academic awards, after academic awards, after academic awards were claimed by these girls.”
Oh goodness! Well now all those academic awards, thoughts and efforts were for naught: those girls went and showed their cows and milks for free and now they don’t have any value! …So these girls flaunted their knobby knees for a night. So what?! Before you whimper that female bodies are “distracting” to other students, do you know what I found distracting when I was their age? All the prepubescent boys who sat in the bleachers with their knees splayed, presenting their crotches to passersby like it was tribute. And the guys who were shirtless within seconds of setting foot on the kickball field, as if wearing an And1 cotton t-shirt was really going to hold them back. And the boys who paraded around the hallways with their Adidas snap pants torn away to the thigh, their pale calves peeking out like crescent moons on cloudy nights, the unsnapped polyester flapping behind their legs like capes. Okay, my references may not be current but, unlike this mom, I haven’t been walking around local middle schools, acting as if I were the puritanical Scott Schuman of the “What’s Happening To Me?” set.
So leave these girls and their “hoochie-ism” (ugh, don’t even get me started on that term…) alone, Vivienne Wagner. They’re just being Miley.