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Why Do Women Have Breasts, Anyway?


Maybe because I’ve never had the sort of chest that men stare at, I’m more willing to consider alternative theories of origin. And there are lots. One thing making it tricky is that, unlike the opposable thumb, breasts leave no fossil record. There’s no way of knowing exactly when the well-endowed rack appeared in human evolution. Was it before bipedalism or after? Before we lost our fur? Pretty much all of the theories accounting for breasts, Mascia-Lees’s and the Dixsons’ included, are best categorized as SWAG, scientific wild-ass guesses.

Since breasts are catchments of our collective and individual fantasies, it makes sense that not even scientists are immune from their charms. When we consider the mysterious origin of this fine fleshy organ, breasts become easy metaphors for whatever we desire, from buttocks to political hegemony. One desert zoologist sees in breasts the camel’s hump, an adaptation that allows us to survive in arid climates through fluid and fat storage. To feminists, the breast story is a parable of self-determination.

There are plenty of other entertaining, if far-fetched breast-origin stories. Wrote Henri de Mondeville, the surgeon to King Philippe le Bel of France in the early fourteenth century, “The reasons why the breasts of women are on the chest, whereas other animals more often have them elsewhere, are of three kinds. First, the chest is a noble notable and chaste place and thus they can be decently shown. Secondly, warmed by the heart, they return their warmth to it so that this organ strengthens itself. The third reason applies only to big breasts which, by covering the chest, warm, cover, and strengthen the stomach.”

In 1840, one physician speculated that fatty breasts warm the milk and “enable women of the lower class to bear the very severe blows which they often receive in their drunken pugilistic contests.” He’d perhaps been reading a few too many Gothic novels.

More recently, an Israeli researcher posited that fatty breasts are needed to help the upright female maintain her balance. Otherwise, her fatty bottom would tip her backward. My sister-in-law says this is certainly the reason in her case.

Elaine Morgan, the Welsh critic, has buttressed her own breast theories with some astute anatomical observations. She notes that when our ancestors lost their fur, babies faced some new challenges. Other tiny primates cling to their mother’s fur from a very early age. Mom is free to swing from the trees and dig up ants, even while junior breast-feeds. No such luck for humans. We have to hold our little urchins, and the best place for that is the crook of our arm. Even then, though, the nipple still needs to come down a bit to baby. The pendulous breast came to the rescue. Then, once the human baby’s hands were free from clutching, they could gesture. An important form of expression evolved and helped make us who we are.

The whole enterprise is greatly assisted by a flexible, unmoored nipple. As Morgan puts it, the brilliantly shaped human breast “ensures that the nipple is no longer anchored tightly to the ribs, as they are in monkeys. The skin of the breast around the nipple becomes more loosely fitting to make it more manoeuvrable, leaving space beneath the looser skin to be occupied by glandular tissue and fat. Adult males find the resulting species-specific contours sexually stimulating, but the instigator and first beneficiary of the change was the baby.”

I can wholly affirm that it would be very awkward to breast-feed without a nice moveable feast of a nipple. British anthropologist Gillian Bentley of the University of Durham was nursing her own child when another anatomical light bulb went off: it was our skull shape that drove the ontogeny of rounded breasts. One of the major distinguishing features between us and other primates, indeed between us and most mammals, is our lack of anything resembling a snout. There could be a couple of reasons for this. One is that we have different jaw and teeth structures, the better for eating a varied diet, including cooked meats, which means we don’t need huge mandibles to rip apart raw flesh. Another is that we have humongous brains and, at birth, relatively large heads, five times the size of what you’d expect in a primate our size. But in order for newborns to get through our unusually narrow bipedal hips, their faces need to be flat, said Bentley. Flat faces and flat chests don’t work well together. Think of kissing a mirror; if the baby’s face had to smoosh against a flat chest, it wouldn’t be able to breathe through its nose. (Now here you might be clever and ask, as I did, Why didn’t evolution instead come up with a different place for the nose, say, near the ear? In fact, why are all mammal noses between the eyes and mouth? The answer has to do with our primitive, born-from-fish infrastructure, a template we’re not free to mess with. No doubt it was easier for our genes to tinker with the breast instead.) Thanks to round breasts, we can be smarter.

NEXT: “What if instead of men selecting breasts, the breasts selected the men?”

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  • Anonymous

    Irony; 

    Writing an article that touches the issue of the attractiveness of breasts but not putting enough pictures of breasts to attract readers/commenters. 

    Interesting article but more boobs please. 

  • GrammaticallyConservative

    Really?

  • Anonymous

    Yes….get on track….boobs rule the internet!

    I do not have a problem with the article. I just feel, that more boobs would have given this article more hits

  • GrammaticallyConservative

    iSigh!

  • Anonymous

    ????

  • http://www.youtube.com/cherubicwindigo Laura

    I’m a bi-wo and I look at breasts first, especially if they are just out there for the world to see. If dudes played up their junk (like they did when they wore codpeices) then everyone would be looking at their junk first.

  • Anonymous

    I’m with rudeboy. So sorry if this is immature, but boys will be boys – and the girls know this.

  • GrammaticallyConservative

    I don’t want to belabor the point, and of course I understand it’s natural, but I thought nature was that thing we were put on this earth to rise above.  Do you have problems listening to boobless men discuss issues?  Either way I agree, there are boobs all over the internet which is why I find it striking that 80% of the internet isn’t enough for you to read an article about women’s bodies without pictures.

    But no disrespect, I do understand.

  • Anonymous

    I have appreciated all AND had the good fortune to ‘love’ many of disimilar size and shape. All are wonderful in their own unique way (in truth, if you ladies wouldn’t ‘hide’ them from us and then only ‘permit a touch’ on occasion, they’d have less — still — appeal!)

  • Anonymous

    How many comments does this article have? 

    I can bet it with my life that many guys clicked the link to this article and then skimmed for pictures of boobs. When they say no boobs, some lost the patience to read the article. 

    One can never get enough of boobs. 

    Everybody remembers the six-boobed girl from Total Recall but few can even remember the plot. 

    Dont be naive about the power of boobs….embrace them…..sorry embrace it!

  • garotasurfista

    hmm i have tiny breasts but tons of men trying to date me all the time…..outlying data point???

  • Anonymous

     It’s because you are Brazilian!

  • Frodo Baggins

    A what?

  • Timothy Earle

    The argument for sexual selection is often really weak. This case is a prime example of people focusing on the result, entirely oblivious to the cause. I think it is a distinctly male way of thinking to treat the symptoms. 

  • Anonymous

    I’ve noticed that the preferred breast size is inversely proportional to the number of sisters the subject has.  Boys (males) without sisters tend to prefer bigger boobs than boys with sisters.

    This is not to say that some boys don’t like big boobs.  It’s just that big boobs are a greater mystery — a bigger prize — to people who haven’t been around boobs all their lives.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003105863276 Political Dookie

    This picture sums up all your need to know about female-female relations.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_BFGF5RNRAJ5ZGJWR52Q4LRJ6YY Matthew

     I read the entire excerpt, I actually couldn’t tell you what the pictures were of, nor do I care. I clicked because the subject seemed interesting not in some vague hope for sexual arousal. in fact it is quite well written and stands on its own without the need for gratuitous pictures. You may also not have noticed, but there are roughly 8 billion other websites where you can find pictures of women’s breasts – if that is your thing.

  • GrammaticallyConservative

    I understand.  And she had three breasts, not six.

  • Anonymous

    Yes, women should have two of them. Size is entirely subjective. But displaying them is a choice every woman makes. If sou want attention, hang them out there. It’s just that simple. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/hermadite Alan Abel

    Breastfeeding is an incestuous relationship between a mother and baby. Just pump out the milk, mothers, and stop using your naughty nipples. Otherwise, the infant grows up with an oral addiction that leads to smoking, drinking and even homosexuality! In one instance, Monica Lewinisky’s addiction led all the way to the White House. There is presently a campaign to BAN BREASTFEEDING. Finally, how do you explain to young children, who accidently enter mom’s bedroom, why daddy is still breast feeding! Also, millions of women are getting off by breast feeding and faking orgasm with their mates.
    (www.abelraisescain.com)

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/IDZQOZOR4YJBQKSWTYYBK7Z3IE E. L.

    Just like Rodney says, “Show TYhem to Me!!!”  Any size is good, all are interesting and you find them all to be an endless pleasure to enjoy, visually or tactially.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/Q7LNZCYMGVIHMZTMNHCYGYXUOM Alex

    Males are obsessed with breasts..well the photo at the top of the article shows the reality. Women are as obsessed with breasts as any man.  Go to a singles bar and watch who the women in the bar notice first and look at longer, the men or the other women. 

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