Celebrity Apprentice Season 11, Episode 10: ‘Uncola?’ More Like ‘Uncool-a!’
4:10 pm, May 16th | by Sarah Devlin
Lil Jon and Jon Rich are thrilled to see Meat Loaf return from the boardroom. Marlee Matlin is upset that her team lost and that Star Jones was eliminated, and the guys do their best to comfort her. Donald Trump comes in and announces that the remaining contestants will be interviewed by Bret Michaels, Joan Rivers, and Piers Morgan, all previous “Celebrity Apprentice” champions. Then he’s going to fire two more people. Is Trump trying to hurry up and finish the season so he can announce
his presidential campaign that he’s been stringing us along this whole time? I mean, this is a blood bath.
I feel like now is a good time to ponder the following: What on earth do these people get if they win the whole competition, besides whatever money they’ve been able to raise along the way? More money? Bragging rights? Also, I did not realize that Piers Morgan is a “Celebrity Apprentice” alumnus, let alone the winner of his season, nor did I expect that he would take his interviewing gig as seriously as he is about to do. He gathers with Bret and Joan in a boardroom to interview the finalists. Bret is wearing his finest boardroom bandanna, while Piers is wearing his best terrible attitude. They interview John Rich and he handles the pressure quite well; then they interview Lil Jon, who guesses that the final two will be John Rich and Marlee. WHAT?
Lil Jon follows this with “my persona is one thing and my mind is a whole other thing.” He quickly changes his mind and claims that he does believe he can win the competition (after Piers calls him a loser, naturally). Piers is really dominating these interviews. He does know that they’re just for Celebrity Apprentice, right? Meat Loaf is accused of crying all the time, which was a nugget of information slipped to the panel by John Rich. Called out! As usual, when Meat Loaf gets upset or piled upon, I start feeling upset. It’s like if your grandpa ended up on Celebrity Apprentice by accident. But THEN Meat Loaf starts selling out The Jo(h)ns and my sympathy drains away again.
The panel is very complimentary of Marlee as she walks into the boardroom. Bret Michaels makes sure to note her hotness. We’re off to the races! Piers Morgan calls her deafness an advantage…then turns it into a weird joke about his chattering fellow Celebrity Apprentice contestants. Marlee admits that most of her fundraising contacts have been tapped out, but promises that she’ll try very hard in the finale. Piers interviews that he was very impressed with her until “[he] asked her the killer question.” Oh, bravo, Piers.
Original recipe boardroom! If I know this show, we will have another 10 minutes of filler before we find out who’s been axed. I’m predicting that Marlee and John Rich will stay, and I just realized I want Marlee to win! For feminism!
Lil Jon is the first to go, mostly because he didn’t pick himself for the final two in the boardroom. Will he take off his sunglasses to deal with the pain?! Alas, it is not to be. Who else is out? Also, did I miss the opening credits? This is such an oddly-structured episode. After asking all the apprentices to state their cases, Trump fires Meat Loaf based on the recommendations of the board. He cries, I cringe, he thanks Trump and his fellow contestants, and that is that.
So! It’s been half an hour. What’s next?
Marlee and John meet Trump in…the lobby of Trump Tower, I assume? Final task: help 7-UP (“the un-cola,” which, WOOF) with the release of 7-UP Retro, by throwing 2 retro-themed launch parties and creating a commercial, promotional can and print ad. The two themes: the 70s and 80s. The finalists are also promised an assistant in the form of the Harlem Globetrotters for the 70s team and the members of Def Leppard for the 80s team. Wait, what?! Trump also brings back several of the recently fired Apprentices to assist. Marlee chooses the 70s-themed party, leaving the 80s to John Rich. He seems to think that is a huge coup.
The cheapest-looking 70s graphics I’ve ever seen take us into the planning session for Marlee’s team. Her brainstorming session is going a bit off the rails, thanks in large part to Meat Loaf and his “unrestrained” brand of creativity.
80s montage! Holy mackerel, those are embarrassing. John Rich’s team definitely seems to have it together more than Marlee’s. I’m hoping this is a fake-out, but I am usually wrong about everything when it comes to this show. AAAHHH there is a Star Jones/John Rich romance brewing, sort of!!!!
The teams work on their designs for new cans, the commercial concept, and the print ad — and after this they have to put together a party! You guys, both of these campaigns (as far as the graphics are concerned) look really good. And this is a lot of stuff to do! I am actually very impressed and surprisingly invested in the outcome. It’s such a new feeling!
Commercials are shot. Promotional cans are admired (not a euphemism). Team 80s brings in Dee Snider for their ad. Team 70s has Meat Loaf and Jeffrey Holder, who did the iconic 7UP ads in the 70s. I think that if they can pull off the concept, Team 70s will have the nostalgia factor on their side.
There are barely 10 minutes left in this episode, and the teams still have to make their presentations and host their events. And we haven’t even seen so much as one Globetrotter. Oh no. Oh NO! Is it going to be “To Be Continued”? I can’t handle that. Don’t do it, Mr. Trump!
At the 70s shoot Meat Loaf gets a call. Jeffrey Holder won’t sign a release that allows him to shoot the commercial on the advice of his lawyer. Meat Loaf throws a huge tantrum, and threatens to throw his cell phone across the room. And with that, the penultimate episode of “Celebrity Apprentice” is over. The suspense might kill me! See you next week!