To see the complete “Princess Problems” series, click here.

“From 2004 to 2006, more “Rom-Coms” were released than ever before, but total receipts plummeted 40 percent. The top four hits were Hitch, 50 First Dates, The Break-Up, and Along Came Polly, respectively starring Will Smith, Adam Sandler, Vince Vaughn, and Adam Sandler again Ben Stiller. They made an average of $150 million, $99 million shy of the surprisingly well-acclaimed There’s Something About Mary. Studios were dipping back into the same well — why don’t we try making Rom-Coms for men? — but finding there wasn’t a lot of water down there to begin with.”

Basically with the exception of a few (Bridesmaids being one) romcoms have gotten more and more terrible, and fewer people are going to see them. The women are always earth-shatteringly beautiful and yet we are supposed to believe they are single because they are clumsy, and everyone always plays a friggin’ magazine editor. But they only show the fun parts of the job. Why don’t they do a story about a female scientist or, you know, someone who doesn’t work in fashion? As Mindy Kaling wrote in her book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, “I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi in which the world created therein has different rules than my regular human world. Then I just lap it up.” Except apparently we aren’t lapping it up. Here is a look at the decline of women in romcoms in 11 slides.

We don’t have a ton to add to this, except to note that it’s a perfect business idea and, were I to find myself on the UWS this weekend, I’d have to physically restrain myself from buying frozen yogurt for every dog in sight and then hanging out in a park like an Anji Tillemans re-enactment of that scene from season one of Girls. I am 100% serious about this.

[DNAInfo Via Jezebel]

The Bling Ring

This is a refreshing contrast to everyone else in the book, each of whom has some kind of fascination with and fixation on celebrity and wealth. There’s Sales’s anonymous cop source, who asks to be called “Vince Vaughn” and seems to relish his role as the hard-boiled narrator of the real story. There are the various lawyers for the Bling Ring defendants, who range from media whores (one appears to be in collusion with producers for an E! reality series starring Alexis Neiers, one of the accused burglars) to criminals themselves. Then, of course, there are the burglars. Nick Prugo and the girls who are linked to him in the string of thefts, the most prominent of whom are Rachel Lee and Alexis Neiers, were all eager to minimize their roles in the burglaries in speaking with Sales, but equally eager to prove they had more access to celebrities than any of the others (the only person not interviewed by Sales for the book was Lee, despite her repeated efforts to do so).

The accusations fly throughout the book: to Nick Prugo, Rachel Lee was the mastermind. To Alexis Neiers, Prugo was the one behind the whole thing. But, Neiers insists almost in the same breath, Prugo was a nobody, a loser. She was the one who was hanging out with actual celebrities (most of the whom deny her account of their friendship); she is the victim of her own charisma and allure.

While I was able to finish the book in about 48 hours, devouring it like a marathon of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, it’s a dark read. I found myself feeling tremendous pity that alternated with rage and frustrating for Prugo and Neiers in particular: Prugo for being the victim of a lawyer who didn’t have his best interests at heart (Sean Erenstoft encouraged Prugo to confess to crimes police hadn’t yet linked him to out of a vague sense of “justice,” jockeyed with him for network interview spots, and was later disbarred after facing felony charges over his hardball defensive tactics in another case) and Neiers, who seems almost born doomed. Her mother Andrea, a former Playboy model and classic enabler, always clad in a Juicy Couture sweatsuit, is eager in the book to portray her daughter as a helpless victim of evil forces as well as a force for good and positive change in the universe. Much is made out of the fact that Neiers was homeschooled and raised on a diet of not particularly religious “spiritualism,” which has given her an extensive vocabulary for rationalizing her own actions and elevating her own role in the universe.

More than anything else, though The Bling Ring grossed me out with its subjects’ emphasis on STUFF. From hearing about the impossible excess the burglars discovered in the stars’ homes, to the sheer volume of items they stole and the number of trips they made back to certain celebrities’ houses, to hearing a curious amount of empathy directed at the thieves from strangers who thought the stars they robbed “had enough” stuff, the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth. It made me think about the modern compulsion to have and buy things and the way it can suffocate us. “Lifestyle creep” is a term for the expansion in consumer/discretionary spending that accompanies a larger salary, explaining the way someone making a six figure salary might still feel “poor.” With money comes a feeling of obligation to spend more, acquire more, and before you know it you start to feel that you need a certain number of dinners out every week, or cabs home from the bar, or watches, or leather handbags.

It seemed to me that the Bling Ring kids were experiencing lifestyle creep without an accompanying rise in income — they were living off of cash found at the stars’ homes and the high they got from rocking designer duds that didn’t belong to them. But once they got going the crimes escalated in frequency and audacity, as though what had been satisfying before (breaking in and stealing a few inconspicuous items) could no longer cut it. There is an obsession with “easy money” and an aversion to work displayed by nearly all of the members of the burglary ring as well, a feeling of entitlement to great wealth and comfort without the drive to earn either.

This was accompanied by near constant discussion of the “lifestyle” these kids wanted, one exemplified by celebrities like Paris Hilton, Audrina Patridge and Rachel Bilson. This is a lifestyle built as much by “personal branding” as by wealth, by visibility as much as talent and drive. The young thieves expressed such surprise and delight at the wealth of unworn designer items they found that were clearly sent as freebies by companies hoping they would be worn (and subsequently photographed) by stars. The burglars certainly hadn’t earned those items, but neither, really, had the celebrities they were sent to. This “lifestyle” of constant and conspicuous consumption free from any kind of budgetary restraint or sense of having “enough” was by far the most disturbing part of the book.

Of course, the kids are obnoxious in their excitement over the press coverage they get for their crimes, and it’s irritating to see such a profound lack of self awareness or true reflection on what they’ve done. But being excited by fame and the possibility of being on camera is a phenomenon that has been around for decades, though Sales is right that it has been taken to new levels thanks to social media and reality tv cultural saturation. The newer, more sinister phenomenon (so it seemed to me), was the idolization of consumption and having lots of “stuff.”

People have dreamed of being rich for far longer than they have dreamed of being on TV, but the standard for consumption has grown exponentially in recent years. And while kids who grow up wanting to be famous also want to have lots of stuff, kids who grow up wanting lots of stuff might not necessarily want to become famous. They might want to become lawyers, politicians, hedge fund managers, bankers, among other well paid and elite jobs. It’s my feeling that the need to consume is permeating the culture more quickly than the need to become famous — fame is just a growing avenue toward the “lifestyle” of mindless, voracious acquisition of things. If fame were all she cared about Alexis Neiers could have been content to be a hanger-on in the L.A. club scene. That was, after all, what led to the filming of the E! pilot that was in production before (though officially picked up after) news of her criminal activity broke. But she wanted more than that — she wanted more stuff.

And what about Nick Prugo, who did not have a reality show development deal and is depicted by Sales as growing increasingly uncomfortable with the media attention bestowed upon him after he confesses to his crimes? He seemed motivated not by fame, but by something else entirely. When Sales interviewed him at Erenstoft’s house after he had been charged with several counts of burglary and faced decades in prison, he told her “I feel stupid now…but I used to get into fights with [Rachel Lee] ’cause it was like, this is all for you, this is all women’s fashion, what’s in it for me?”

It’s obvious that it’s time for a change, but how exactly should you go about leaving a job—especially when the unemployment rate is hovering at 7.5%?

Guess what? You’re not alone. According to a survey conducted by recruiting software maker Jobvite, three out of four Americans are either actively searching for a new job—or seriously considering it.

“The reasons range across the board,” says Stacia Pierce, CEO of Ultimate Lifestyle Enterprises, a life coaching firm. ”Some have become bored to death with their jobs, while others want more money and more opportunities.”

So we decided to check in with three intrepid professionals to find out how they pulled off leaving cushy gigs for something more fulfilling—proving that work shouldn’t have to be a grind.

Overstaying a job welcome

As a government employee for 12 years, 35-year-old Kory Chaumley of Orlando, Fla., had a steady paycheck, job security and great benefits.

Despite these coveted perks, the computer technician wasn’t happy—and it began to affect his health. “I hated going to work to the point that I would get sick or just call in sick,” he says.

According to Chaumley, his long-standing funk was a mixture of boredom from being in a job where many of his tasks had become rote and working with outdated technology. As the years went by, he says, his mundane work existence began to wear on him.

Although it was clear that he was suffering from job burnout, Chaumley was afraid to leave. “Since we were working with older technology, I didn’t think that my tech skills were marketable anymore,” he explains.

As a career coach, Pierce has seen this scenario before. “If you’re getting physically sick at the thought of work, it’s time to find a new job,” she says. “A lot of people, like Chaumley, simply outgrow a position, and there’s no room for them to advance at the organization—these are also signs that it’s time to make a change.”

With Pierce’s encouragement, Chaumley sought four additional IT certifications over the course of a year. “Then I updated my resume, put it out there … and started getting bites,” he says.

Chaumley also developed his interview skills with Pierce, stepped up his networking—and worked on getting his groove back. All those years at the government job had left Chaumley feeling like he’d lost his edge and confidence, but “talking to Stacia helped me a lot in that respect,” he says. “She really opened my eyes to what is possible with my career if I just made certain changes.”

Seven months ago, it finally all came together: Chaumley received two job offers. Today, he’s working at a Fortune 100 company making far more than he did at his government gig, but more importantly, he focuses on interesting projects with new technologies. “Sometimes I work beyond the hours that I bill,” he says, “because I’m just so fascinated with what I’m doing now.”

Striking out on her own

When she was in her thirties, Cathleen Campbell Stone, 49, had an accidental fall at work that left her partially paralyzed. She went from being a successful, active marketing executive to someone who was in constant pain.

Western medicine wasn’t able to help Campbell Stone cope with her pain, so she turned to just about everything else. “I began investigating any possible resource, from acupuncture to energy work,” she says. Her frustrating health experience did something else for Campbell Stone: It changed her outlook on her career.

During her recovery, she became restless at her job as the vice president of marketing and education for the Home Sewing Association, where she’d been for about five years. Campbell Stone liked the work and the colleagues—but she came to the conclusion that she’d have more control over her future if she worked for herself. Another big realization: She wanted to find a way to provide the same healing for others that had helped her.

“I came to the conclusion that even if you work for a lovely company and the people are nice, generally speaking, working for others doesn’t provide you with the ability to dramatically increase your income,” she says.

So after about a year of saving enough money to build an emergency fund that she could live off for several months, Campbell Stone quit her high-paying executive job to found LivingHarmony, a holistic healing practice that offers alternative health and consulting services.

Campbell Stone was methodical about her leap from high-paid executive to small-business owner: She started with a close-knit client pool of friends and acquaintances who needed help with aches and pains. Over time, as her reputation built, requests began coming in from friends of friends and beyond.

“Entrepreneurship is something that I would advise people to consider very carefully—and plan for it in painstaking detail,” she says, adding that, in retrospect, she would have saved up even more money before striking out on her own.

But there are no regrets. “Working for yourself, doing what you believe in,” she says, “I can’t describe to you how empowering that feeling is.”

Trading up

Carl Gaines, 41, is the editor of Mortgage Observer, a position that he’s held for a little over a year after leaving a similar job at another publication. The reason for his jump: Compensation. Simply put, it wasn’t enough to live on in New York City. “If it weren’t for my partner, who picked up some of our expenses, it never would have worked,” he says.

Although most people would think twice about leaving a job after just one year, Gaines had other reasons to conclude that the gig really wasn’t a good fit. For one, he quickly discovered that the structure of the company was too rigid—and he had a vague sense that being gay was off-putting to a few people in management. According to Gaines, it wasn’t that big of a deal, but coupled with the low pay, it made him think about looking for another position almost immediately.

So what did it take for Gaines to land another job so quickly? Networking and lucky timing. At a black-tie industry function one evening, he ran into the man who’d be his future boss. “He told me that he was launching a new publication, so he was looking for an editor,” Gaines says. “That very night, I dropped him a note, along with my resume, telling him that I was interested.”

A month later, the job was his. And he’s making about 20% more. “It worked out perfectly,” he says.

Taking your own job leap

As the above stories show, quitting a job is rarely an easy decision, which is why Charley Polachi, a partner at Polachi Access Executive Search, advises anyone in this scenario to first find a mentor.

The decision to leave a job—even for a reason as fundamental as more money—should never be made alone, Polachi says. ”I think that the average person spends more time planning a vacation than charting a career,” he adds.

The benefit of a mentor is twofold: That person can take an unbiased look at whether you are moving ahead in your career, and if you aren’t, will help you figure out why not—and work with you to plot that next move.

Of course, sometimes the answer isn’t to quit at all. “Often, people are vaguely unhappy with their jobs, and they just haven’t figured out how to deal with certain situations,” says Don Maruska, co-author of “Take Charge of Your Talent: Three Keys to Thriving in Your Career, Organization, and Life.” “They simply feel stymied by a lack of opportunities, frustrations with their bosses or other problems.”

To help you decipher if the time is indeed right to quit, Amanda Augustine, a job search expert for TheLadders, suggests asking yourself the following questions:

• What are you great at?
• What are you passionate about?
• Is it possible to combine those in a long-term career?
• What do you ultimately see yourself doing over the next five to 10 years?
• What steps—in the form of work experience and skill development—do you need to take to get there?

The answers, Augustine says, “will help you decide if you should explore other opportunities within the same company or if you need to look elsewhere.”

This post originally appeared on LearnVest. It has been republished with permission.

More From LearnVest:

- The Hot New Work Trend: Portfolio Careers

- How I Started My Dream Career After 40

- 7 Things to Consider Before Starting Your Own Business

[Photo via Shutterstock]

Sarah: I appreciate that. Hostile work environment and everything. So it’s possible there will be a pill to fix low libido in women, which is not a physical ailment but rather a mental…thing (calling it an ailment/problem seems so wrong. Aaaaah I’m already freaked out about this!). My question to you is this: while I’m sure there’s a market that digs this idea IN THEORY, do you think it would actually sell? My first thought was “No way,” but people are fine with antidepressants altering their brain chemistry in very necessary and helpful ways, so maybe this is the same thing? I don’t know what to think.

Colette: Well, and think about how quickly women latched onto the concept of birth control, which, when you really think about it, sounds like something a character from ‘Barbarella” would dream up — just flooding our bodies with synthetic hormones, programming our cycle with unnatural regularity, sometimes omitting periods all together. I doubt that the chemistry of the pill will deter any woman; I’d argue we’re desensitized to pills.

Sarah: Yeah…but that’s biological. This is so much more ephemeral. Although I guess it’s not that much different than drinking or taking drugs in the hopes of getting to an altered state.

Colette: Oh, I see; you’re suggesting that since the pill is mending “desire” as opposed to function (as Viagra does for men), the women who’d benefit from the pill may be repelled. Gotcha. Well, my question is, why are we (the cultural “we,” the Medical-Industrial Complex “we”) so quick to push the onus of “fixing” this issue onto women? I understand that hypoactive sexual desire disorder, or HSDD, is a real condition and can be devastatingly/heartbreakingly hard to work through, but it seems to me that the article is also indicting the sex drive of older women as “too low.” Uh, excuse me, who is to determine what the right sex drive is? Maybe men’s libidos are too high. Why is the female body always perceived as the problem?

Sarah: Wellllllllllllllllllll I’m going to stop you right there. Because in the article we read there were definitely women who were identifying this as a problem! And it’s not like everyone has to take it if it’s available. Plus, you could argue that we DID pathologize male erectile dysfunction. So it’s not like this is the first medical sex aid ever to hit the market and it’s targeting women first.

Colette: Sure, as I said, I recognize that there is a need that merits this medicine and that it is real and that it’s not some specter projected by The Man; with that said, if you ask me whether I think the pill will sell, I think it won’t — not because women don’t value sexuality or sexual desire, but perhaps because MOST women, women who aren’t afflicted with HSDD but are just the “older/bored” women that the article mentions, don’t perceive their “low” libido as an issue. There’s a difference between wanting to be desirous not being able to contact those feelings, and only being “in the mood” occasionally. The latter is what I am referring to when I say “low libido.”

Sarah: Right. See, I wonder if the availability of it will lead those people to seek it out, though. Just to see if it works for them. Colette: I guess, but I’m just hesitant to pathologize women who only want to have sex occasionally because then it suggests that a sexless relationship is intrinsically lacking and I don’t believe that to be true. Well, I suppose men who technically don’t “need” Viagra have used it, right? So a little documentary called Love and Other Drugs taught me.

Sarah: Yeah, but I don’t think people are going to be seeking this out unless they DO believe that a sexless relationship is intrinsically lacking. It’s not going to be mandatory once it’s available. Those people will still be able to keep on keepin’ on.

Colette: Hahah, I realize that the government isn’t going to round us up and force the pill on us like some real life Nurse Ratched. But it’s not as if ideas like “if we’re not bangin’ on the bathroom floor, this relationship is floundering” come out of nowhere. By creating this pill, we are creating a social norm; we are sending out a message that legitimate relationships are defined by sex…which I suppose, as you said early, also happened when Viagra hit the market. I mean, I’m certainly not a part of the target demographic (that’s my euphemistic way of saying, “NO WAIT GUYS, I HAVE A TOTALLY NORMAL LIBIDO. LIKE, I ALWAYS WANT TO DO IT. I MEAN NOT ALWAYS…A NORMAL AMOUNT.”), but I would be interested in experiencing synthetic desire. What do you think it even feels like?!

Sarah: Well I don’t think it would be synthetic, or any more synthetic than the chemicals already in your brain that produce feelings of desire are. I think that’s like asking someone who’s being treated with antidepressants “What does synthetic happiness feel like”? I do think you have a good point, and maybe I’m just in a cranky mood because of various “CHEMICALS/MEDICINE IS THE ENEMY” controversies that have been popping up of late (Portland voting to not fluoridate its water, for example), but I feel like sometimes with stuff like this people project all of their anxieties about what’s going on with them, individually, and what society wants and the pressures that puts on them, individually, while ignoring the fact that it’s totally voluntary to take this medication and there might be a ton of women who really want it, and are maybe feeling a bit crummy about the possible judgment coming their way for wanting to feel “synthetic desire,” and so on. I mean I think you’re making good points, but I also feel like at a certain point a pill is just a pill.

Colette: Oof, yeah, now I feel bad for using the term “synthetic desire.” I didn’t mean it! Everyone’s desire is natural and valuable, even if all you don’t desire at all or only desire to lay on top of a hot water bottle while being hand-fed half-melted Take 5 bars, warmed from your pocket. I don’t think chemicals/medicine is the enemy — I am not a believer in ScienTomCruiseology. I just don’t want women to feel a bit crummy about the possible judgement coming their way from their husbands/wives/partners who have higher and therefore “more normal” or “acceptable” libidos or doctors who determine that there is something wrong with them that can be amended with a pill.

Sarah: I mean I think you’re right, but I also think that’s a separate problem from the pill. The pill wouldn’t create that problem, it already exists. And those people are in bad or uncommunicative partnerships, which obviously no medicine is going to be able to fix (except the HOMEOPATHIC REMEDY OF THERAPY). But I do think there’s a sector of women who are in long term relationships and who are generally sort of uninterested in sex, and they might be interested in taking something for it! It’d be like the medical community’s answer to “two glasses of wine” or whatever. I feel like if it’s framed that way it seems a bit less scary and dystopian.

Colette: I think you just wrote the pill’s copy: “Science’s two glasses of wine.” The print ad could read “For Your ‘Headache’ ;)”, emoji included. Or “Hey…here’s something for that ‘headache’ ;)” if they want it to sound friendly and more accessible.

Sarah: Hahahahahahahahahaha

Great. Our work here is done.

[Photo via Shutterstock]

Complaining about working too much is an American birthright. It distinguishes us from the vacation-happy French and the paid-leave-loving Scandinavians. And in recent years, with wage growth falling behind the rising cost of essentials like health insurance and college tuition, and with technology dissolving the boundaries of the traditional workplace, Americans seem to be working more than ever. But the truth is that we are working less. So why do we feel so busy?

Because they know that we are too busy to read an entire article, The Atlantic has condensed their argument into six charts, and it is a doozy. Take this little factoid about today’s marriages:

This isn’t just a story about the changing nature of work. It’s about the changing nature of marriage. Decades ago, marriage was a pairing of opposites, with husbands working in offices or factories and wives working at home. But since women flooded the labor force, marriage has become an arrangement in which similarly educated, ambitious, and advantaged people are likely to pair off. In other words, the more hours you spend at work, the more likely you are to marry someone who works a lot.

To read the entire investigation (and five other charts), click here.

Men were asked  to rate the attractiveness of women’s faces and those who had high levels of the stress hormone cortisol were rated lower. “Perhaps, then, low levels of cortisol signal health in female faces,” study lead author Dr. Markus Rantala, a biologist at the University of Turku, writes. The research, conducted by the University of Turku, in Finland and published in the Royal Society journal Biology Letters, suggest that this effect might be because those who have high stress levels tend to be less healthy overall. Ummmmm, duh? Has anyone ever said “I’m really stressed. That’s why I look so good”? There is a reason I have bags under my eyes and Gwyneth Paltrow does not.

The study goes on to say that men prefer women who are both healthy and fertile and can bear them children. So now your job is making you look less fertile, basically. This is really throwing a wrench in the works of the whole ‘having it all’ thing. I mean we know stress can take a toll on our bodies but signaling to strangers that we have less reproductive potential is pretty upsetting.

As usually, it’s women who get called out in studies like these.  According to recent research from Polaris Marketing, women are significantly more stressed than men. All 1,206 respondents were asked to rate themselves on a 10-point “stress scale,” where 10 was “very stressed,” and 1 was “not at all stressed.” Women respondents’ mean stress rating was 5.34, while male respondents’ mean stress rating was 4.82.

Study after study tells us that women are more stressed than men because of work as well as many other factors. And then more studies come after that telling us how this is affecting our physical health. According to new research, hair loss and thinning is being seen in younger women possibly due to stress and other lifestyle factors. “Traditionally, hair thinning and loss is an issue tackled by persons in their 50s,” said Doris Day, a New York City dermatologist. “However, we’re seeing a growing incidence of this issue in younger women. Fast-paced routines, daily stress, diet and over-styling are driving this increase, making hair thinning and loss a real issue for 20- and 30-somethings.” That probably won’t help our sex appeal much either. Try to relax after thinking about that!

And after watching her commencement speech to the 2013 graduating class at her alma mater George Washington University, we have about a million more reasons to love her. Not only did we learn some surprising new facts about the accomplished actress and activist — she’s cousins with Colin Powell, she serves on the President’s Committee for the Arts and Humanities, and she’s a member of the V Council, an organization dedicated to stopping violence against women — but she also might consider a second career as a writer. Her story about Joseph Campbell’s theory of the “hero’s journey” and how it ties in with her being forced to audition for a musical about frogs in college is a thing of beauty.

You can watch Dr. Washington (she was awarded an honorary doctorate from the university) deliver her speech, wearing her mother’s doctoral regalia, below. And then let’s meet in the comments to talk about how awesome she is.

Colette: !!!!!!

*10 minutes later*

Sarah: Okay, I’ve seen everything I need to see.

Colette: NONE OF THESE SARAH DEVLINS ARE YOU!

Sarah: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

There’s some stuff on me,   you just have to look! Dig a little deeper,if you will.

Colette: I’M LOOKING!  Give me a second! This is HOPELESS. There are so many other more compelling Sarah Devlins. I wish I knew them.

Sarah: You take that back. Just because I insist on maintaining a Sphinxlike mystery quality…

I learned lots about you! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Like the time you WHITE WASHED “The Wiz” in college (JKJKJK)

Colette: EXCUSE YOU.   FIRST of all, that production is on my resumé, so you should’ve known about it.

Sarah: Haha

Colette: I co-wrote and co-starred in that baby. I am very proud. SECOND OF ALL, it was a complex unpacking of race and privilege and EVERYONE LOVED IT. Hahah this is getting silly.

Sarah: You should be, that’s cool! I also read the Columbia Wiki entry for your improv group Control Top (That’s a great name, by the way).

Colette: I know, that name is great! I can’t take credit for it though.

Sarah: And I should note that your first page of Google results are all Jane Dough/writing related and you have a very nice-looking Google + profile, like you’re a celebrity or something.

Colette: Everyone should check out my Google + photo. It’s very hip, very millennial, full of Regina Spektor-y femininity and innocence. There are a lot of symbols at play in my Google + photo. You can deconstruct the whole thing with gender theory, which I suggest you do. My whole social media presence is a gender studies 101 seminar; it’s just that no one knows it yet.

Sarah: That’s brilliant. Is THAT on your resumé?

Colette: I like to leave some things open to interpretation, Sarah. This is a democratic nation. We all make choices. CHOICE —like my right to choose. See? We’ve come full circle.

Sarah: Your first few image results are also totally cute pictures! There is a random Pinterest account that comes up, @Clet, on your first page of Google results that I’m pretty sure isn’t you.

Colette: @CLET?! Ugh, no; that’s not me. What kind of boards does this Clet have?

Sarah: Typical Pinterest stuff.

Colette: Weddings? Parties? Mary Kate & Ashley?

Sarah: Yes, exactly those.

Colette: It’s unfortunate that my Pinterest profile doesn’t show up…I’m pretty sure one of my boards is called “HBICs” which says it all, I think. (HBICs standing for “Head B*tches In Charge,” natch.)

Sarah: I KNEW THAT. I’ve seen an episode of Oxygen’s “Bad Girls Need Love Too,” you know.

Colette: Sarah, if you really knew what it meant, you wouldn’t be so defensive. (Classic middle school fight tactic.)

Sarah: Okay, we can stop putting your Google results under the microscope and talk about mine, if you want.

Colette: Yeah, let’s talk about how nonexistent you are on the Internet. After this little experiment I am pretty sure that you are a ghost. At a certain point, I anticipate coming across an old newspaper article on page 15 of your results that reports a Canadian Sarah Devlin dying in a gruesome blogging accident.

Sarah: Hahahahaha It’s true. I’ve been dead this whole time. Which means you’re a medium! Congrats.

I realize that it’s weird that I don’t have much of a digital footprint, because I work on the internet, but I prefer it that way. I don’t like being super look-up-able.

Colette: “Hi, I’m Colette McIntyre. Some people think I’m a typical Long Island girl but I have a gift. I can talk to dead people.” Oh….sorry, I was too busy writing up the intro to my show Long Island Medium… thereby stealing the title and intro of the already existing Long Island Medium.

Sarah: Hahahaha

Colette: I understand not wanting to be “look-up-able” but this is just unprecedented! Granted, all of your Jane Dough/Sportsgrid/Mary Sue (I was surprised you wrote something for the Mary Sue! You, who probably doesn’t even know that there were multiple Robins!) pieces are on the first page but after that you disappear into a puff of 1′s and 0′s.

Sarah: I did NOT know there were multiple Robins! This is embarrassing.

Colette: Well, multiple people who become Robin. WE’LL GET INTO THAT ANOTHER TIME. The first LinkedIn profile that comes up is for Sara Devlin, the Deputy Director of Africa Regional Services. So you may just want to delete your LinkedIn entirely; I don’t think you want to compete with some foreign policy goddess.

Sarah: Hahaha

Colette: There’s also a really impressive design website that isn’t yours.

Sarah: I guess I’m just trying to delay the inevitable, when we all walk around wearing Google glasses with holograms of our digital footprints floating above our heads.

Colette: Haha, I get it. You are talking to a girl who just recently got a personal Twitter account. (@calledcolette, everybody! UP MY KLOUT SCORE!) The Internet is like the scrapbook of an undiscerning, omniscient, and perhaps a touch maniacal, parent. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable.

Sarah: There are drawbacks to each — on the one hand your writing is really easy to find and link back to you, which is great for you professionally. Mine isn’t so easy to find and I don’t think ties back to me quite as easily. On the other hand, I’ll be able to elude our eventual digital overlords for like 5 minutes longer than you when our world turns into Minority Report, soooo….

Colette: Hahaha, well said. When the Rainmaker is rounding up all the denizens of Bloggertown, they’ll have the name “Sarah Devlin,” but instead of you, they’ll round up another Sarah Devlin — the former Franklin Senior High School student who won three awards for her experimental short film “Writer’s Block” in 2009. And they won’t know any better.

Sarah: Yeah. Sucks to be you, other Sarah Devlin!

The never-before-seen photos featured exclusively in TIME show a seventeen-year-old Barack Obama on the night of his prom, clutching a glass of champagne and laughing with his date Megan Hughes, Allman, and her boyfriend Greg Orme, who was Obama’s teammate on the varsity basketball team and best friend. “It was a really fun, happy time. We were all cracking up, and everyone was smiling,” Allman recounts. “It was pretty typical from there out as far as what happens at prom: the dinner and the dancing and the photos.”

Allman also shared an adorable message that Barry, that ol’ dog, left in her yearbook:

Kelli, It has been so nice getting to know you this year. You are extremely sweet and foxy, I don’t know why Greg would want to spend any time with me at all! You really deserve better than clowns like us; you even laugh at my jokes! I hope we can keep in touch this summer, even though Greg will be gone. Call me up and I’ll buy you lunch sometimes. Anyway, good luck in everything you do, and stay happy. Your friend, Barry Obama.

Sweet and foxy is the ultimate compliment and I shall accept no others! Also, Greg: watch your back, dude.

And then out of the blue you open your eyes in the morning and realize that somehow you have managed to lose your way. You’ve got a vague sense of dissatisfaction, that things could be or should be better, that there’s more out there…or at least, you hope there’s more. That feeling of being lost drives you to roll back over, close your eyes, and wish that a fairy godmother would save you from the day (and maybe upgrade your shoe collection?).

If you have ever felt like this, let me say that you are not alone. It happens to everyone at some point, but most people just keep on doing what they are doing, hoping magic/chance/luck/fairy dust will come their way and make something happen.

YOU, however, are not most people.  You are ready to roll up your sleeves and actually make a change!

So, given that, here are three questions to think about to help you find your way back again:

1. What about your work makes you happy right now? (Be specific)

2. In a year from now, what specifically would make you even happier (be honest and brave here — don’t just go for the more money route)?

3. What do you need to do to make this happen for yourself? What is one small first step that you can take THIS WEEK to make progress?

Voilá – you have started to make a plan!  This is the first method of attack to letting go of that lost feeling and really figuring out what your next step should be.

You may be thinking: “That’s all well and good, but now I have to go DO that. How?”

Well, the place to begin is with the confidence that you can and will.  Confidence is not always that easy to come by, and often times we stay feeling “meh” about work because it is the safe thing to do.  That thing that keeps us feeling comfortable and relaxed, watching Real Housewives marathons.

Well, unfortunately “comfortable and relaxed” doesn’t help you get your mojo back or give you a plan for success. Have no fear though – it’s time to take yourself in hand and expand your comfort zone.

The first way to do this to start small, by taking a new road to work or trying a new restaurant.  Then, get bigger: have coffee with someone you admire or want to get to know better, try a new skill or an experience that scares/thrills you (roller coaster? Rock climbing? Public speaking?), and do something that makes you pause for a moment and think: “Ummm, is this really such a good idea?” (Yes. YES! It is!)

When you get out of your comfort zone and survive the experience, you feel better.  You you feel more confident in your skills and abilities, and it’s not only easier to figure out where you want to go, you are so much more likely to do it.  Now, go out and try – I know you can do this!

Christie Mims is the Radical Fairy Godmother to the Woman Trapped in Her Suit and is here to wave fairy dust on you and get you unstuck in your career. Sign up for her free job UNstuck kit here! And, if you really want to get out of your comfort zone and have a career adventure – then join her this summer in Costa Rica!

[Photo via Shutterstock]

Do you ever wonder, though, how your resumé might change if you were able to format it however you liked? If, say, you could turn in a three page opus on everything you’ve ever accomplished in your life, complete with visual aids? Or never printing out a paper copy again and illustrating your employment history through Blingees? Or scenting your resumé á la Elle Woods in Legally Blonde?

If I had my druthers, my resumé would include the dreaded “Special Skills” section, ordinarily so useless and such a waste of space. There are a number of things I’m capable of doing that never make the cut on my C.V. (perhaps for good reason), but if I had the extra room to brag, things would be different. Here are a few of the skills I’d list.

1. I’m excellent at exiting elevators quickly.

No one at the office would end up having to exit an elevator while the doors close in on them because the 6 other people sharing it sauntered out at a pace that would infuriate an earthworm on my watch! Or rather, they might, but it wouldn’t be my fault.

2. I can use an ATM faster than 99% of the human population.

This really shouldn’t be a special skill, but this is the world we live in. I have never understood why I’m able to perform basic transactions at an ATM faster than the average human being. I mean truly, it mystifies me. It’s the same thing every time! Shouldn’t we all be experts by now?

3. I am also great at packing up my wallet/purse after paying for something.

You know that moment when you are next in line, and trying to pay, but the person who just paid is still methodically tucking change into their wallet and then putting their wallet in their bag or pocket and then gathering up the thing(s) that they just paid for, all while blocking you from making your transaction and getting out of there? Yeah, that doesn’t happen if you’re in line behind me.

4. I can poach eggs.

I don’t care who you are, that’s cool.

5. I am a tireless curator of my DVR.

My roommate was letting Prosecuting Casey Anthony languish on our DVR for months after repeated promises that she would get around to watching it, but I brought down my iron fist and thus freed up 4% of the available recording space! …There must be some kind of job where that aversion to DVR clutter would be useful.

6. I can keep plants alive.

And there’s an orchid on my windowsill who can attest to that.

What about you? What special skills are you constantly forced by THE MAN to leave off of your resumé?

[Photo via Shutterstock]

According to the  Bureau of Labor Statistics,  the median number of years workers stay at a given job is only 4.6, which allows them to rack up as many as 10 gigs in a lifetime.

The problem: Many employers still see job hopping as a deal breaker. Nearly 40% of recruiters and hiring managers say that a history of hopping is the single biggest obstacle for job-seekers, according to a recent survey conducted by recruiting software company Bullhorn.

We found four serial job hoppers who were willing to dish about their adventures in the labor market. Then we asked a crack squad of career experts for advice on how these hoppers can find a gig that will make them want to stick around.

Jay Mehta, 36, Unemployed

A few months ago, Jay Mehta was laid off from his latest IT job in Dallas, along with a handful of other employees, because of budget cuts. “The difference is that those guys have been working for the same two or three companies for the last 14 years and didn’t see it coming—I’ve worked for 10 places,” Mehta says, who has been laid off twice, including from his last gig.

Mehta wasn’t always a job hopper. For the first eight years of his professional life, he worked for just two different companies. “I thought that promotions were deserved after a lot of hard work and employer loyalty,” he says. “But I was wrong.” In those two jobs, Mehta’s salary increased only marginally, and he couldn’t seem to save enough money. Then, in January 2002, he was laid off due to downsizing.

Mehta struggled for an entire year looking for another full-time job in IT and the experience changed his outlook on employment. ”I figured it wouldn’t be long before something like that would happen again. Although I wasn’t sure when the next economic slowdown would come, I knew that I wanted to be debt-free and ready for it before I ever got laid off again,” he says.

So Mehta shifted his loyalty toward making money, rather than to any one company–switching jobs eight times in the next six years. “I gained a lot by virtue of job changes,” he says. “My salary has increased significantly compared to friends I know who have stayed with the same company.”

Job hopping seems to have paid off for Mehta, who now owns his home and car outright and is completely debt-free. There’s just one problem: He’s been unemployed since mid-March, so he is looking for a new gig again—although Mehta doesn’t believe that his hopping has hurt his chances of finding employment. “I’m currently unemployed, but I’m not complaining,” he says. ”If I’ve laid off companies for money, it’s OK if a company lays me off for a lack of money.”

What the Pros Say: Deborah Brown-Volkman, a career coach and president of surpassyourdreams.com, is afraid that employers might see Mehta’s work history as detrimental. “While he’s gained something from his job changes, what’s missing is focus. His story is more about him. A prospective employer might ask, ‘What’s in it for me?’” To combat this, Colleen Georges, a professional résumé writer and career coach, suggests Mehta consider starting his own IT consulting firm. “This can provide needed income and potentially transform into something more lucrative in the long term, offering the independence and variety he enjoys,” she says.

Kyle Flight, 30, Salesman

In 2009, Kyle Flight graduated with a doctorate in government, a job offer from a court services company and plans to move to Chicago with his significant other.

“My job and prospects were pretty much secured, and I was on a career path that would last at least the next 10 years of my life,” Flight says.

But, right after he moved, the company lost funding and rescinded its offer.

Having drained his savings for the move, Flight took the first job he could find … as a barista. But the pay wasn’t much, so a few months later, he quit for a higher-paying gig as a waiter, while still applying for court services positions.

Four months in, Flight finally found a job in his desired career path, but after just three months, lack of funding forced him out of yet another job. “I was tossed back into the ether of the over-educated and underemployed milieu,” he says. “Since May of 2009, I’ve had eight different jobs working for eight different companies.”

Recently, a prospective employer told Flight that his job hopping was ruining his résumé. But he’s not ashamed of his work history. “I’ve seen people spend ten years at a job only to continue being passed over for the newcomer from outside the company,” he says. “The rest of my generation saw it, too. So when we want to advance, we know that it’s going to take a hop and skip to a different company and job, with a better title and paycheck. We’re just trying to make it in the world.”

What the Pros Say: ”Flight is right that he entered the labor market at a particularly bad time for young people,” says Laura Vanderkam, author of “What the Most Successful People Do at Work: A Short Guide to Making Over Your Career.” Vanderkam suggests trying to find a job through Kyle’s connections, where his résumé matters less. She also recommends that he do freelance work in his desired field. “There’s no shame in working as a barista to pay the bills, but you also want to show that you’re serious about building your career,” she says. “Over time, freelance work can lead your career into new and exciting places.”

Angela Johnson, 43, treatment facility counselor

A lot has changed since Angela Johnson began work as a graphic designer in the late ‘80s. “The technological boom of personal computers means that everyone now has the capability to design their own stationery, and we get all of our information online, rather than through books and pamphlets,” says Johnson. “The print graphic designer has almost become a thing of the past.”

Although she was discouraged by downsizing, Johnson wasn’t ready to give up on the industry. So she hopped between more than 10 different companies over 20 years, trying to land a job that she could fall in love with. ”I kept leaping to the next opportunity—only to find the same circumstances. Each company became a carbon copy of the previous one: low pay scale, low morale, no benefits and depressed colleagues,” says Johnson. “I realized that my dream job didn’t exist anymore.”

In 2008, Johnson decided to go back to school to become a medical assistant. ”I wanted to make a difference in the lives of others, rather than work long hours chained to a computer,” she says. While in school, she worked at a nursing home and hospice. And since November 2011, she has held a full-time position as a counselor at a residential treatment facility. ”The pay is rather low, but there is an atmosphere of family,” she says. “So I see myself staying at least five years or so.”

She also plans to get a master’s in nursing to further advance in her new career. “I’ve found along the way that it is necessary to make a few leaps of faith, rather than get stuck in a job that you absolutely hate,” she says.

What the Pros Say: “Sometimes disappointment in one career field can pave the way to discovering a more meaningful and personally fulfilling direction,” says Georges. She suggests that Johnson tailor her résumé’s introductory summary to her new career field, prominently highlighting her nursing home, hospice and residential facility positions—and condensing only the last ten years of Johnson’s print industry positions into a brief section titled “Additional Experience.”

“This will take the focus away from less relevant experience and frequent moves, and instead direct hiring managers to pay attention to her education and experience in the health professions,” Georges says. Brown-Volkman adds that confidence is also key when Johnson talks to new employers: “She should hold her head high, and shed any embarrassment, or else she will come across as weak in interviews—it’s not the words you say, but how you say them.”

Charity Rowell, 39, Student

This job hopper supported her parents and little sister in Springfield, Mo., after graduating high school. “I didn’t dream about becoming a customer service representative, telemarketer, receptionist—or spending almost 20 years of my life moving from one unfulfilling job to the next,” Charity Rowell says. ”My duty was to make sure that the bills were paid on time.”

Rowell found employment wherever she could, sometimes with the help of staffing agencies. “When all is said and done, I believe that I have worked for about 14 companies in at least five or six different industries,” she says.

Finally, during one of her exit interviews, Rowell’s supervisor lit a fire in her by suggesting that she’d be a great fit for a career in human resources. “Before I discovered HR, I spent most of my time in the workforce as a customer service representative—you know, one of the people you call to yell at because something is wrong with your bill, account or service,” Rowell says. “I got tired of feeling like I was doing more of a disservice to people rather than helping them.”

So Rowell went back to school to pursue a business degree and start a career in HR management. She hopes to graduate this year, but she’s worried that her job-hopping history will haunt her when it’s time to look for a position in her new field. ”I don’t want all of the work I’ve achieved, or the growing that I’ve done in the past four years, to be ignored just because of a list of employers,” she says.

What the Pros Say: Workplace expert Anita Bruzzese recommends that Rowell limit the positions she includes on her résumé’s work history. “I’d focus on the jobs that show you gained some key skills, such as communication, working in a team environment and meeting deadlines,” she says.

Vanderkam stresses another important point: “Sometimes learning what you want to do in life takes time. The good news for Rowell is that earning a degree gives you a bit of a career ‘reset’ at graduation.”

This post originally appeared on LearnVest. It has been republished with permission.

More From LearnVest:

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- How to Explain Why You Were Laid Off

- The ‘I-Just-Got-Laid-Off’ Drill

“Don’t shoot the crib,” Wise told Nick, the photographer. I wondered if the box of Pampers perched on the boudoir was off-limits as well. Before arriving on set, I had heard that D. Wise lived with his girlfriend, with whom he had a family. The apartment’s furnishings, including a framed photograph that hung in the bedroom of Wise holding an infant, a dead ringer for the one across the hall, seemed to confirm that story. But when I asked Wise if the apartment was his home, he evaded the question.

“If you’re going to mention anything about the shoot today,” Wise said, it should be that “she’s getting it in the booty.” He sidled up next to Love on the mattress, and they locked into a spooning position. I could see the bravado and sensuality that had made Wise’s career. As the blonde woman lugged laundry past the bedroom door and peeked inside, I saw her eyes light up with affection.
Wise was focused on the shoot. “Am I covering her nipple?” he asked Nick. “Can you see my medallion?”

I had first tried to visit Wise on set a few months before. The night before the scheduled shoot, I confirmed the details with Wise, but in the morning, I awoke to a disappointing text: “Gotta work on another girl. The one I was just talking to can’t.” I would learn that unreliability is common in Wise’s field. Big Max, Wise’s friend and frequent collaborator, told me that Brooklyn’s porn industry, in which he and Wise earn a living, is particularly fickle. “People pass up all the time,” Big Max said. “If I tell you, ‘Hey, I have a shoot going on,’ there’s a 50/50 chance it may or may not happen.” To thrive professionally, Big Max, Wise, and others have adopted a “take what you can get” mentality.

I texted Wise back, “Keep me updated, and let me know if there’s anything I can do.” An empty offer, frankly. But his reply took me up on it: “If you know someone interested in shooting with me, that would be a great help.”

To read “Not Quite Barely Legal” in full, click here.

[Photo via Shutterstock]

Jenna has doubled the sales of J.Crew in the last seven years resulting in a company valuation of $1.7 billion and has been the visionary force behind what has become known as the “cult of J.Crew.” Anthony Sperduti, a co-founder of the store-cum-advertising agency Partners & Spade, said about Jenna,

“Look, it’s not a hard thing to be a tasteful designer and cater to a small community. That’s an easy thing. For someone to bring a level of taste—to introduce large portions of our country to newer things, interesting notions—that’s the challenge. And she’s done that impeccably well…I can’t tell you the amount of women for whom Jenna invariably comes up in conversation. I don’t know that many designers in her role that you could say the same thing about. Not from a company of that scale.”

Mark Holgate, fashion-news director at Vogue, told NYMag says Lyons has made J.Crew seem “tangible and touchable” for the average shopper. Plus, she was a Glamour Woman of the Year.

Jenna should also be hailed as a power woman because she has been outspoken when it comes to sharing her career path, how she learns, how she manages people and how she achieves work/life balance. “You see a polished girl with a fancy title, but my start was not so fancy,” she said at The Glamour Awards, recounting her start as an assistant to an assistant, working in a hallway without a proper desk. She spoke about wanting to make women feel special because she felt awkward and “ugly” growing up. “Nothing worth having is easy,” she said.  She told Forbes:

“The most rewarding part is not what it does for me but what it does to other people. Having grown up not being so attractive and awkward, I know what that feels like. I know what it feels like to not be sure of yourself. I know that when you feel good, it helps your confidence and makes you feel better. To me the most rewarding part is when I meet someone who says “I got married in your dress and I felt beautiful” or “I got my first job in your pencil skirt and sweater” or seeing Michelle Obama wear the clothes — those kinds of things, when someone else feels beautiful about the clothes.”

She has talked about her career path a lot.  Jenna said in a recent interview, “One of the benefits of having started at the bottom is that I’m not afraid to push the brand. I’ve seen so much change, and I feel like I truly know where the brand came from. To me, it’s about evolving slowly.”

She has truly built J.Crew to what it is today. And could a non-powerful woman have created such a stir when she painted her son’s toenails pink? She was accused of encouraging her son to be transgender.

And after all, I don’t think Lena Dunham would tell a woman to watch, “By the way, Jenna Lyons, you’re the reason I’m comfortable wearing shorts and it’s not going very well–so thanks a lot.”

While I know that you, my beloved reader, probably know this, it seems like no one ever cared to fill in “Generation Fabulous” blogger Vivienne Wagner. While attending her eighth-grade son’s “Academic Awards Ceremony,” Wagner was alarmed to see “exceptionally bright and disciplined” girls “pursuing hoochie-ism” (ostensibly through their short hemlines and low-cut dresses). Wagner was so alarmed that she posted photos of said hoochies to her blog under the title “examples of why I’m glad I don’t have daughters.”

“My husband and I only have boys (four of ‘em!) so seeing what many of these young ladies were wearing was kind of a shock to our systems,” Sister Wagner wrote. “Everywhere we turned there were obscenely short skirts, sky-high heels, and 13 year-olds dressed like they were going out clubbing….Now it should be clearly stated that these must all be absolutely exceptional young women. Academic awards, after academic awards, after academic awards were claimed by these girls.”

Oh goodness! Well now all those academic awards, thoughts and efforts were for naught: those girls went and showed their cows and milks for free and now they don’t have any value! …So these girls flaunted their knobby knees for a night. So what?! Before you whimper that female bodies are “distracting” to other students, do you know what I found distracting when I was their age? All the prepubescent boys who sat in the bleachers with their knees splayed, presenting their crotches to passersby like it was a tribute. And the guys who were shirtless within seconds of setting foot on the kickball field, as if wearing an And1 cotton t-shirt was really going to hold them back. And the boys who paraded around the hallways with their Adidas snap pants torn away to the thigh, their pale calves peeking out like crescent moons on cloudy nights, the unsnapped polyester flapping behind their legs like capes. Okay, my references may not be current but, unlike this mom, I haven’t been walking around local middle schools, acting as if I were the puritanical Scott Schuman of the “What’s Happening To Me?” set.

So leave these girls and their “hoochie-ism” (ugh, don’t even get me started on that term…) alone, Vivienne Wagner. They’re just being Miley.

[Image via]

In the last year, have you:
• Responded to a work email while on a family vacation.

• Stepped out of a friend’s wedding/other important event to answer a call.

• Added a meeting reminder to your calendar at one a.m.

• Thought the world ended when you encountered a dropped signal.

If you answered yes to any of the above, you may be a smartphone workaholic in danger of serious burnout. With the economy still in disrepair, many people fearing possible job loss make themselves available to their employers around the clock.  If you are among the group of workers who feel constant contact with work is necessary, you must understand the dangers you face with this attitude.

Working around the clock can cause:

• Health issues related to stress and burnout.

• Relationship woes due to interference in your personal life.

• Lack of energy because of sleep lost while working in bed.

• Unhappiness with your job related to lack of downtime.

• Hours of overtime at home without pay.

In order to avoid burnout, it is imperative that you find a way to balance your work life with your personal life. Putting down your smartphone might seem like a career death sentence, but the reality is that few employers will fire you because you didn’t answer an email at three in the morning. In fact, answering that middle-of-the-night email sends your employer the message that you are prioritizing them above sleep. You must set healthy boundaries with your employer.

If working from home is really a necessity, and you typically rely on your smartphone to do this, consider signing up for an internet service provider and working from your laptop instead. Working on a laptop with a full-size screen and keyboard is more efficient than tapping out a long email on your smartphone.

Smartphone workaholics can take these steps toward balance:

• Lower your ringer while you are eating and don’t answer.

• Don’t bring your smartphone into your bedroom.

• Set up an away message for vacations and turn your phone off.

• Advise your employer what hours you are unavailable by phone.

• Turn your phone off during family events.

If you find that you are a smartphone workaholic be sure to schedule some time away from your phone. Doing so can help you stay healthy and help you support a happy personal life.

Jessica Salt is a young writer who loves what she does. She uses www.internetserviceproviders.com so she can work lightning fast and still have time in her day to ride her bike, play with her dog and make mac and cheese. You can follow her work on Twitter @thejessicasa

[Photo via Shutterstock]

5. FOX

Surprising no one, FOX decided to go full bro this year: Dads, Almost Human, Surviving Jack (based on a book called I Suck At Girls), Brooklyn Nine-Nine (this is the only one that I will accept some disagreement on), Enlisted, Rake,….there’s not a whole lot out there in terms of gender equity. I guess we get Us and Them, a show all about meet-cutes, silly flirty rom-com capers, and family which is an American take on BBC’s Gavin and Stacy? I guess that’s something?

FOX, you have failed the Bechdel Test and you have failed us.

4. NBC

NBC, NBC, NBC…what are we going to do with you? I mean, i guess thanks for throwing us ladies a feminist bone in The Blacklist by making the rookie FBI profiler a woman but we all know that the series’ real draw is James Spader as a government agent turned fugitive, a.k.a. “The Concierge of Crime.” And that seems to be the only ray of light waiting for womyn at the end of NBC’s long, dark tunnel of programming. I already know that Dracula is going to be a playground of fainting ladies with heaving bosoms and bad accents. Sean Saves The World, a romping comedy about a harried single dad and his fourteen-year-old daughter, will present a myopic take on lady issues: boys, periods, liking a boy but having your period, can the boy you like smell your period, what if the boy you like is a bear, a yuck yuck yuck. You see, it’s a comedy because a man taking care of his own child is HILARIOUS, especially when it’s a child of the opposite gender! Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, etc.

NBC, somewhere Liz Lemon is hanging her head in shame. IN SHAME!

3. The CW
Oh CW, as if you haven’t given us enough already with all your pouty vampire dramas and moody boys in tank tops, you are kicking out a 2013-14 lineup that seems to be made for us ladies, as form-fitting as our Always Infinity sanitary pads. A spinoff of the mega-popular Vampire Diaries called The Originals in which the series opens with the pending arrival of a VAMPIRE BABY? Perfection. A reboot of a British children’s science fiction series The Tomorrow People about adolescents discovering that they have psionic powers like telepathy and teleportation? MUCH TOO GOOD FOR CHILDREN. I can already feel the tremors of keyboards across the nation churning out erotic fan-fiction about telekinetic sex. Star-Crossed a series about human-alien conflict that is really about two young lovers forbidden to be together? Romeo and Juliet by  any other name should smell as sweet…but more like hormones and Axe body spray. But the greatest upcoming series of them all has to be Reign, a soap-drama about a TEENAGE MARY, QUEEN OF SCOTS, and her rise to the throne. I am breathless just thinking about the manipulation, pithy comments, and sexual intrigue. I imagine fifteen-year-old Mary will be like Diet Cersei and I don’t hate it.

With Mary, Teen of Scots, under your belt, CW, you have made it to the top three.

2. ABC

On the one hand, ABC has scheduled series like Back in the Game, which features a tough former pro-softball player mom who leads a ragtag team of Little League castoffs (It’s like A League of Their Own with kids! Remember how much America loved Olympic moms Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh Jennings? SO MUCH!), The Goldbergs, a nostalgic-comedy set in the Regan eighties that features a real-talking, no-sh*t-taking mom (in the vein of Malcolm in the Middle, and you know I love me some Lois), and Super Fun Night, a Rebel Wilson showcase that is the future that Bridesmaids promised, and then there’s Trophy Wife, something I just wish hadn’t and didn’t and wouldn’t. Malin Akerman plays a “reformed party girl” and third wife of a “slightly older man,” who suddenly inherits “three children and two ex-wives.” Obviously she will learn how to be “more responsible” and “act her age”, i.e., she will become a proper, domesticated wife and mother. Everyone has already seen this: it was called Uptown Girls and it was glorious.

You’re going to do me like that, ABC? You’re going to reel me in with Rebel Wilson and Bad News Bears: The Television Series, make me feel safe and understood, and then throw this Lifetime movie mutation in my face?! Lucky for you, Trophy Wife is going to be cancelled in a week so I am willing to look past it.

1. CBS

CBS! You are bringing some feminist heat! (Well, along with some duds.) I am blown away! Let’s start with the good: I note that you are bringing the one and only Slayer (sorry, Kristy Swanson) back to television and I have to say I approve. While The Crazy Ones doesn’t seem like it’s going to be transformative — a sensible, no-nonsense woman (Sarah Michelle Gellar) co-runs an ad agency with her impish, impulsive father (Robin Williams) — another representation of a working woman on television isn’t the worst thing in the world. Speaking of working women, we have to take a knee for Hostages, CBS’ stand-alone miniseries: Toni Collete (who doesn’t love Toni Collete?!) plays Ellen Sanders, a premiere surgeon thrust into high-octane political machinations when her family is taken hostage by a rogue FBI agent. Toni Collete! A lady surgeon! With a family! Tasked with saving the president! TALK ABOUT LEANING IN! (In the same vein there is Intelligence, a thriller that co-stars CSI‘s Marg Helgenberger as an elite government director, scientist, and guru, but this show doesn’t have any Toni Collete and seems to be more about a Josh Holloway superhuman, so let’s just refocus on Hostages.) Then there is Mom, a comedy starring the lovable and the inexcusably underused Anna Faris as Chrisy, a recovering alcoholic and single mom to a teenage daughter. Hijinx, flimflams, and life lessons ensue when Christy’s own mother (played by the incomparable ALLISON JANNEY), herself in recovery, reappears. A series led by ladies about ladies caring for ladies and learning from ladies — in the words of my favorite Swedish DJ duo, “I don’t care, I love it.”

The Meh: We Are Men, CBS’ testosterone-infused version of Girls. A single-camera comedy about four male roommates learning to live and love and lay with the ladies, We Are Men is looking to pick up whenever Two and a Half Men leaves off.

The Ugly: Will Arnett, why do you keep pushing me away? Why do you want to lose my love? You did a new season of Arrested Development and we were doing great; I thought that we had really turned a corner. Then I find out about this upcoming CBS comedy The Millers. What is this?! You play a local news guy whose announcement of divorce inspires his father to split up from his wife of 43 years and…all the laughs…just come…rolling in..like thunder…? Is that the plan? The mother is a meddlesome cuckold, you are all about the ladies~*~, we’re just drowning in tropes — NOPE, NO THANKS.

While The Millers is bad and We Are Men doesn’t have a joke that isn’t premised on “ladies, amrite?!” in sight, Anna Farris, Toni Collete, and Sarah Michelle Geller is a tagteam that I can’t appreciate enough. CBS, you are the champions.

I’m no doctor, but here’s what I recommend: cue up this GIF on repeat with your summer song, or whatever the lady version of a jock jam is, on repeat. We recommend this.

And don’t forget — somewhere out there someone is having a worse week than you! After all, Michelle Bachmann can’t be happy about the legalization of gay marriage in her home state OR the new line of e-book erotica starring a thinly veiled Bachmann stand-in and titled “Fires of Siberia.”

There. Don’t you feel better?

A) “It’s six am, I got my eggs and my pancakes too. I got my maple syrup. Everything seems perfect. OH WAIT, NO, I AM DEVASTATINGLY ALONE.”

B) “The person who made my HEART BLEED was always brilliant in the morning — smoking cigarettes and talking over coffee.”

C) “Don’t worry ’cause worry is wasteful!”

D) Oh, you know, I just bargained with the Devil, said “I’m OK for today,” watched Good Morning America….pretty standard stuff.

2. Tell me something about your boss.

A) Same old story, not much to say.

B) My boss is too cool to care.

C) S/He says “Hold my calls from behind those cold brick walls.”

D) We’ll fight, but not out of spite.

3. If you wouldn’t immediately get fired for it, what would you like to wear to work?

A) A satin slip.

B) A ’90s prom version of a laurel wreath.

C) I would really like to start rocking a shaggy/soggy/crimpy/ “Hey, I just got out of the shower” hairstyle.

D) Something with spaghetti straps.

4. What did you do last weekend?

A) Saw a movie, it just wasn’t the same.

B) Clumsily strummed my guitar.

C) Someone may have stolen my golden shoes (I put up something on Craigslist, to no avail) but they didn’t steal my laughter!

D) I tried to hustle them, tried to bustle them, tried to cuss them. (“Them” being “THE MAN”…or just men, I guess.)

5. What are you going to do when you get back home?

A) Pick a book up; turn the sheets down; take a deep breath and a good look around; put on my PJs and hop into bed.

B) Honest things; things that are daring, things that are clean…like watching Unique Eats.

C) I’ll tell you what I WON’T be doing: I won’t be idle with despair, that’s for sure! So you can tell that to the demon who STOLE MY GOLDEN SHOES.

D) Another cute cheap thrill…like watching Unique Sweets.

6. Tell me about that person you recently stopped seeing.

A) They hated it when I left the light on.

B) They had dark eyes and careless hair.

C) Heartache came to vist me but I knew it wasn’t ever after.

D) It was just one of those things those flings, those strings you’ve got to cut.

7. But like…how are you? Existentially.

A) I feel so far from where I’ve been.

B) This is me down on my knees.

C) I am never broken.

D) They say they’re better than me and I agree.

8. What’s the saddest mental image:

A) A pair of men’s shoes sitting empty on your floor.

B) Dancing geishas.

C) Dusty children clutching teddy bears.

D) A business man in a bathroom stall.

9. Choose an image to describe your current mood:

A)

B)

C)

D)

10. Choose a random object:

A) A tiny boat.

B) A ladder leaning against a tree.

C) An ambulance.

D) A scale.

If you got mostly A’s… Congratulations; your Jewel jam is “You Were Meant For Me!”

If you got mostly B’s… Congratulations; your Jewel jam is “Foolish Games!”

If you got mostly C’s… Congratulations; your Jewel jam is “Hands!”

If you got mostly D’s… Congratulations; your Jewel jam is “Who Will Save Your Soul!”

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I thought we could talk a bit about what our expectations for work/life were when we graduated, and how they changed. Even though you have been out of school for less time than I have, I still think of myself as “just out of college.” Which is dumb…BECAUSE I GOT ANOTHER DEGREE.

Colette: I think my “just out of college” grace period has come to an end. I’m pretty sure it works like the pageant system does..as soon as the next crop of wide-eyed and bikini-bodied grads hit the stage, all us reigning grads lose our crowns and others’ sympathy. Hence, when I saw my Facebook feed explode with graduation news, I was overwhelmed with anxiety and dread. The last thing I ever wanted was to be reminded that I have been out of college for a year and WHAT HAVE I EVEN DONE FOR THAT YEAR WHERE’S MY NOVEL I’M NOT LENA DUNHAM #SHAKINGANDCRYING

Sarah: Hahhahaha. I think everyone suffers from a certain expectations vs. reality letdown. Everyone has preconceived notions about what their jobs/lives will look like after school, and reality rarely matches up to the vision. Which, thank goodness!

Colette: Well, besides the whole dream of being Lena Dunham but a better Lena Dunham, I have no idea what my expectations were for work/life post-graduation…I encased myself in a bubble of wine and feelings during the last few months of school. My bubble was semipermeable: the only things that got in were memories and congratulatory claps on the shoulder; the only things that escaped were swan songs and unwanted smooches.

Sarah: Hahaha I knew I was heading to grad school, so graduation definitely had the feel of “Okay, now this is done, on to the next thing.” Which actually abated a lot of the anxiety I know people feel upon graduating from college (especially if you have a liberal arts degree). What I want to know is what wisdom would you impart to yourself (I know it’s only been a year, but these first few years change you a LOT) if you could go back in time?

Colette: Geez…well, I would probably drop a dusty tome called “Taxes for Dummies” onto my desk and just give myself a knowing/withering look. In fact, I think I would sit myself down, look myself in the eyes, and tenderly hold my hand while saying “Girl…you have to learn how financials work.” I thought having a checking account and savings account was the first and only step I had to take until I wanted to, say, buy a house or open a joint account with my fiance Chris O’Donnell of Batman & Robin fame. (Some dreams die hard.) As we’ve talked about before, upon graduating, I had no real working knowledge of credit cards or loan payments or debt. I figured that stuff would all sort of..take care of itself, like a Pokemon when placed in storage, when in fact, that stuff is more like a Tamogatchi or Furby: it knows when you haven’t been paying attention and IT DOESN’T LIKE IT and sometimes IT DIES.

Sarah: Haha

Colette: …Yeah, that’s the best metaphor I could come up with.

Sarah: I think that’s smart! So many people graduate not really having worked in school or not really having a sense of how to budget, cook and clean on their own. I’m not looking down on those people at all, because there’s a learning curve for everyone! I do think people underestimate the stress of the transition from full time student to full time worker (and even though I went on to grad school I was working full time as well, so I definitely felt it).

Colette: Yeah. I was just so used to not having money or to the possession of money being such a fleeting, transitory experience that when I started working and receiving regular paychecks and had to begin paying off my loans..it was all so overwhelming.

Sarah: Hahahaha I feel like time changes when you’re out of school, too — you don’t have semesters/breaks to mark it in the same way so the weeks go by slowly but the years go by really fast. (Says the 25-year-old.)

Colette: YES! Absolutely! And I’ve had such a hard time structuring my time, trying to schedule in all of the activities or interests that I pursued in “clubs” or “extracurricular.” Real life is extracurricular! So when is it that I work on my writing or volunteer, etc., etc. ?

Sarah: Right. There’s a lot of administrative stuff that comes with “real” adulthood that you sort of take on as you go. How was finding a job for your after school ended?

Colette: Frustrating, which is normal for this cray cray economy (so my mother/friends’ mothers told me) (the term “cray cray economy” is from a PolySci class I took), but I also think was compounded by the fact that I graduated from an “elite” insitution. It seemed to me that the subtext during my four years studying there was “Don’t worry, your degree and this school’s name will be enough!” Well, in my experience, it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to even get my emails responded to. Also, it’s difficult to graduate with a degree in the liberal arts from a liberal arts school that indoctrinated you to believe in learning for learning’s sake and then having to translate your degree into something concrete — essentially having to sell yourself. It was a strange transition.

Sarah: Right. Also, I think people are ill-prepared to accept the reality that most jobs are gotten through connections, rather than just on the strength of a resumé.

Colette: And that happened in my case  — getting a job through connections, that is. Ladies helping ladies!

Sarah: Right! It’s not always a negative thing. We have the idea that it’s always, like, dads making their friends hire their kids or something (dumb example, but you know what I mean). Often it’s friends on the same level helping each other out.

Colette: Absolutely; I remember after a particularly devastating day in the job search phase just calling my mother and scolding her for not having enough friends. “I’m not going to get a job because we don’t have ‘family friends!’ FAMILY FRIENDS ARE ESSENTIAL IN AMERICA, MOM!”

Sarah: Hahahaha “How do I major in family friends?”

Colette: “Well, you have to take courses in ‘Awkward BBQs’ and ‘Mom, I don’t want to take him to prom! I still remember when he used to pee in the pool!’”

Sarah: Haha

Ultimately I think the biggest thing is not to have expectations that are too high about how things are going to turn out. Because they are probably going to be frustrating and exhausting and expensive! But it’ll work itself out. Somehow . Right? RIGHT???

Colette: With a bottle of wine, everything works out. TERRIBLE ADVICE FROM COLETTE.

[Photo via Shutterstock]

Turns out, booty shaking and stamping your husband’s last name on a product of your own creativity makes a lot of folks question your feminist values. (Beyoncé recently told Vogue UK that though the word “can be extreme…I guess I am a modern-day feminist. I believe in equality.”) Some of the equivocation is no doubt caused by Beyoncé’s slick, pop-princess brand. It is difficult to square the singer’s mainstream packaging with subversion of conventional and sexist views of gender. But ultimately, the policing of feminist cred is the real moral contradiction. And the judgment of how Beyoncé expresses her womanhood is emblematic of the way women in the public eye are routinely picked apart—in particular, it’s a demonstration of the conflicting pressures on black women and the complicated way our bodies and relationships are policed.

In a January 2013 Guardian article titled “Beyoncé: Being Photographed in Your Underwear Doesn’t Help Feminism,” writer Hadley Freeman blasts the singer for posing in the February issue of GQ “nearly naked in seven photos, including one on the cover in which she is wearing a pair of tiny knickers and a man’s shirt so cropped that her breasts are visible.”

Of course, in that very same issue of GQ, Beyoncé makes several statements about gender inequity—the sort not often showcased in men’s magazines. Among them: “Let’s face it, money gives men the power to run the show. It gives men the power to define value. They define what’s sexy. And men define what’s feminine. It’s ridiculous.”

That Beyoncé speaks the language of feminism so publicly is even more notable in a climate where high-profile mainstream female entertainers often explicitly reject the very word. Katy Perry, while accepting a Woman of the Year Award from Billboard, announced that she is not a feminist (but she believes in the “power of women”). And when asked by The Daily Beast if she is a feminist, Taylor Swift offered, “I don’t really think about things as guys versus girls. I never have. I was raised by parents who brought me up to think if you work as hard as guys, you can go far in life.”

To read the essay in full, head over to Bitch magazine.

She told BuzzFeed:

“I don’t find it in the practicality of my day-to-day; I don’t find it hard to make a film because I am a woman. I think if you have a movie to make, make it. If you happen to have a vagina, that’s okay. Still make it.
…
I feel horrible if I’m being trite about it and someone has had a bad experience, but me personally, I have not found that. I think the film community itself is incredibly inviting and supportive and embraces filmmakers, so get in there and make a movie. It doesn’t have to cost a lot; “Freebie” … cost $15,000. You don’t have to sit there and wait for permission from a studio. Go make a movie.”

I want to believe this, but it is interesting because we are constantly barraged by studies saying the opposite. As the great Nora Ephron once said, “a movie about a woman’s cure for cancer is less interesting than a movie about a man with a hangnail.”

Women made up only 16% 0f all directors, executive producers, writers, cinematographers, and editors working on the top 250 domestic grossing films of 2010. This was a 1% decrease from 1998, according to a study by Martha M. Lauzen, Ph.D and director of the Center of The Study Of Women In Television and Film. “It is my impression that women are still viewed as “riskier hires” and, as a result, are not considered for the big-budget, high-profile films and/or films in genres other than romantic comedy and romantic drama,” Lauzen said in an interview last year

But then again, a big part of the problem is that we constantly bring up the fact that it is different for women in Hollywood. Bell also said: “I think I’m eager for the moment to arise when the story is less ‘What does it feel like to be a female director?’ I hope the story soon becomes, ‘I either liked your movie or I didn’t, let’s talk about your movie.’ That’s the real goal. Because honestly I look around, and I see wonderful role models that are ladies. People who are writers and directors, people who are actors and directors, writer actors. There are a myriad of them and I look around to all sides and I see support and feel support, so I guess I have a more optimistic outlook on them.”

The great Marissa Mayer has always said it is that fact the she is “gender blind” that has helped her do so well in her career. She never thinks about the fact that she is the only woman in the room a lot of the time.

Meanwhile, Lauren Shuler Donner,told The Hollywood Reporter, “Women do run Hollywood. Are they the CEOs? No. But the ones who make the decisions are Emma and Amy and Hannah and Stacey and Donna. They certainly make a lot of the decisions. It will always be a male business, but I think this is a time when you look around and you can say women run the business — except at Paramount, Disney and Warners. The reason that I thought both Spider-Man and X-Men were as successful as they were was, not only did Laura [Ziskin] and I have wonderful directors in Sam Raimi and Bryan Singer, but we instinctively understood that the characters had to be grounded in emotion. No matter how much action there is, there needs to be heart, and it needs to be personal.”

Yes, Kathryn Bigelow is the only woman to win the Oscar for Best Director but think of what Joel McHale said: “If women ran Hollywood, there would be hit romantic comedies about hunky male strippers, hugely successful film franchises about sparkly vampires and music and dancing competition shows would dominate the airwaves — wait, are we sure women don’t already run Hollywood?”

The report from Dana Mattioli and Annupreeta Das says that Coach offered an acquisition deal to Tory Burch LLC, a luxury lifestyle brand  of clothing, shoes, handbags, and accessories. The price tag on the deal is rumored to be around $2 to $3 billion.

Frankly, I am not sure if Tory Burch needs this deal as her brand is already on fire. In less than a decade Burch has grown her company from a staff of less than 20 working from her kitchen table to 2,000 employees (80 percent of whom are women) with revenues over $800 million. Cosmopolitan Editor Joanna Coles said, “People love her. They want to be her. And she’s really nice. Tory is not a monstrous, crazy fashion b*tch. She is an incredibly liked, well-respected woman.” She added, “This is a woman that men fight over. It all adds to the mystique of Tory Burch. Her clothes exude that.” And did we mention she loves to help other women find success? Check out the Tory Burch Foundation.

While Coach on the other hand could use a little pick me-up, or rather, a little infusion of Tory. Though the Coach brand is said to be in the middle of a turnaround, a research note from Goldman Sachs earlier this month pronounced the turnaround to only be halfway over. Analysts also reiterated a “sell” rating on Coach stock. From CNBC:

“Years of underinvestment and too much emphasis on its outlet stores have undermined Coach’s brand equity, leaving it open to newer entrants to the space, include Fifth and Pacific’s Kate Spade brand, Michael Kors, and Tory Burch.

The company’s falling market share in the core handbag market and poor search trends reflect its deteriorating brand equity.”

A move to acquire Tory would be huge. Tory Burch LLC has been rumored to be considering an IPO for at least two years but is this the way to do it? “If Kors was sold as the next Coach, Tory Burch is seen in the investment community as the next Kors. And there are plenty of suitors lining up to buy a stake and bankers ready to take the company public,” reports WWD.

It is believed by experts that Tory Burch, also known for its strong handbag line, could actually overtake Coach. Maybe this deal should be the other way around? I mean, did the CEO of Coach get to do a cameo on Gossip Girl? I don’t think so. Or is this a “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” kind of situation? Hmm.

Mayer is obviously committed to demonstrating that She Gets It, announcing the acquisition with a GIF on her personal Tumblr. But will a little GIF-savviness be enough to preserve Tumblr in its current, beloved form? The only thing that will anser that dilemma is time. In the meantime, let’s stare hypnotized at these Mayer-centric GIFs (perhaps while bumping Beyoncé’s new single “Grown Woman”? But we wouldn’t want to tell you what to do with your life).

[Via TechCrunch, IB Times, Tumblr, Tumblr]

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