The Worst In Lady Liquors: The Bad, Bad Booze Marketed To Women

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The Worst In Lady Liquors: The Bad, Bad Booze Marketed To Women

2:15 pm, February 28th | by Hillary Reinsberg

Women drink. Women buy liquor. Marketers notice. And what we’re left with is a fairly horrifying selection of “lady liquors.” Let’s have a look at the worst offenders.

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1.Nuvo

The "world's first sparkling liqueur" was originally marketed as "Nuvo For Her." The "for her" has since been removed, but still, the thing looks like a cheap perfume you got in a goodie bag that now lives in the back of your makeup cabinet. It's made of "French vodka," white wine and fruit nectar.

2.Qream

Pharrell created Qream "for contemporary women who work hard and want to relax with friends at the end of the day." Mmm -- original! As the name would indicate, it's creamy! And comes in decidedly disgusting-sounding flavors of peach and strawberry. The Hairpin has done some prize-worthy work in its "Cooking With Qream" series, certainly worth a look if you've been hunting down that perfect recipe for Strawberry Qreamsicles.

3.Skinnygirl Margarita

Not only is SkinnyGirl a beverage made by Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel, it's also possibly carcinogenic. I'm surprised no one realized that this stuff was quite literally toxic earlier, as I can confirm that it tastes like a radioactive liquified Jolly Rancher.

4.Be. Wines

"Be." wines (how annoying is that pointless period?) are not just for women, they're for "millenial women" looking for "fun and approachable" wine. Meh. The wines are also assigned "moods" like "Flirty" and "Vibrant" because the idea is to "pair with you mood" instead of your food. Food and eating, suddenly so out of style!

5.Diva Vodka

Step 1: Get some regular vodka. Step 2: Put colorful crystals inside the bottle. Step 3: Call it "Diva."

6.Cupcake Vineyards

Cupcakes! Wine! Girls love them both! It's soooooo Sex and the City! They even named two varieties include "Red Velvet" and "Angel Food." You can do better than this.

7.Chick Beer

Chick Beer took the holy trinity of "how to market booze to women" to heart: low calorie, girly pink label, and the promise that it "doesn't taste like something guys would drink." And...it's worked.