Recently, I’ve been criticized for being a bit of a feminist stick in the patriarchal mud. I’ve been called a “crazy feminist,” “a chick who is jaded and has no sense of humor,” and have been told that I “obviously have some serious man-issues” since I’m “so full of hate.” Well, that certainly jarred me from my daydream of dismantling the patriarchal dialectic and gaining dominant subject-hood! After burning a few bras and telling a group of ten-year-old boys walking past my apartment that they were oppressing me, I sat in bed with a kombucha-whiskey cocktail and thought. “I can be fun,” I reasoned. “I can get with what’s hip and sexy! I can be fun and flirty! I’ll show them!”
Sunday is St. Patrick’s Day which, with its beers the color of sewer water , drunk Sigma Delta girls wearing shamrock tattoos on their — well, they won’t tell you where the tats are [giggle] [hiccup], and Baileys-smelling bros yelling “Kiss me, I’m Irish! NO HOMO,” is inarguably the sexiest day on the Gregorian calendar. What better bandwagon to jump on to prove that I can totally chillax, pass me that Guinness, dude? To make your task of chasing the “snakes” of “Ireland” — nudge, nudge — easier than finding a guy wearing a green and white striped rugby shirt yelling about Car Bombs (which is really easy), I’ve rounded up the sexiest (read: most likely to cause a rash) St. Patty’s costumes on the web. Get ready, honorary Erins, to go bragh-less.