Women & Business

Free Business Idea: Baby Naming Consulting Firm

Enough is enough, for real. I assume most everyone has heard about this already, no?

E! Online reports:

[Levi Johnston,] the father of Bristol’s son, Tripp, welcomed a daughter with girlfriend Sunny Oglesby this morning (and the baby girl’s name is a real trip, too) at Mat-Su Regional Medical Center in Wasilla, Alaska.

Johnston and Oglesby named their little one Breeze Beretta Johnston—because there’s nothing like having a type of gun for a middle name.

Of course. What better name for a tiny person than Breeze Beretta, simultaneously the least threatening and most threatening first/middle name combo at least in this century. It’s not just noted airheads like Levi Johnston who are perpetrating these crimes on the next generation, though; Nick Lacey and Vanessa Minnillo, who both seem like lovely people, accidentally named their son Camden John Lachey. They’re both so busy; they must not have realized that they buried the nice, normal name between two last names. And of course, there’s Lachey’s ex Jessica’s little daughter Maxwell Drew Simpson, whose name sounds more like a law firm or brand of coffee than an adorable little girl.

I get it — new parents are busy and exhausted, and have a lot of “ideas” about the unique and fancy-sounding names that they expect to confer a certain air of prestige onto their children. But “fancy-sounding” is not the same thing as actually fancy, a difficult but not impossible distinction to make on one’s own. But look: so much of child-rearing gets outsourced nowadays — why not hire a consultant to let you know if little baby Fitzgerald Mellon Benjamin Smith sounds regal or like it was cobbled together by Googling “fancy banks” and putting together the first couple of results? Think of it as having an editor for all of your worst baby name impulses.

Free idea, guys. If you want to send a few million my way care of The Jane Dough once you hit it big, that’s cool too. It’s your life.

[Photo via FirstClassFashionista]

TAGS: Genius Ideas | Levi Johnston

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