Game of Thrones Feminist Leaderboard
9:45 am, April 1st | by Colette McIntyre
HBO’s Game of Thrones has something for everybody — zombies, dragons, manipulation, sex, wolves, Peter Dinklage, violence, politics, homoerotic subtext, songs by super hip indie bands, more sex — but what we love most are Westeros’ badass women: the dames of thrones fight, plot, snark, strive, and are as multifaceted and intriguing as their male counterparts. Each week, The Jane Dough will rank the GoT ladies according to how hard they ruled in last night’s episode. Start your Mondays feeling like the commander of dragons, rather than the bleary-eyed version of yourself you usually bring to work at the beginning of the week. When you play the game of feminism, you win or you…well, don’t win.
- Mocks and emasculates Jon Snow as easily as a giant pounds a grown man into the ground. 4 points
- Smacks a young wilding boy in the gut to teach him respect. 3 points
- Smacks a young wilding boy in the gut because said boy was throwing rocks at Jon Snow and she has a big secret crush on the bastard. No points or deductions, because who hasn’t suffered from Helga Pataki-syndrome?
- It would take a whole lot more than a wooden door to stop Cersei from doing anything. I’m shaking in my boots just at the thought of seeing Cersei Lannister standing at my door. 4 points
- “I’m not afraid of you, little brother.” HELL NO SHE AIN’T! 3 points
- …but she is afraid of her father. – 4 points
- At nine years old, Cersei ordered her guards to beat her female servent for stealing a necklace. The servent, also nine, lost an eye. What about the sisterhood, Cersei?! – 2 points
- Rob throws her into “a chamber that serves as a cell” and she doesn’t say a word. – 5 points
- Girl, you know better than to rely on anyone but yourself. You’re seriously going to trust Lord Baelish, a man with facial hair that screams “I’m going to send you ravens asking you what you’re wearing and for pictures of your feet,” to get you out of King’s Landing? Ugh, go back to playing your boat game; you’re hopeless. – 4 points
Shae & Ros
- As Ros said, “we’ve done rather well…given where we started. It’s not easy for girls like us to dig our way out.” Word. 6 points
- So bad of a broad, the Dothraki followed her “across the poisoned water” onto a boat. 7 points
- Gets called a whore more times in one scene than there are nippleless slave-soliders in Astapor. - 3 points
- Manages to be the most compassionate character in a scene (8,000 dead babies, anyone?) while maintaining a stone cold dragon face at the same time. 3 points
- Has Stannis wrapped around her little witchy finger. I mean, Stannis is burning people alive at her bidding. And while the prisoners are burning, Melisandre sings to them, like it’s Lilith Faire! Stannis threw his own BFF in prison for this ginger! I may not like you or your smoke babies, Melisandre, but damn, you are powerful. 7 points
- “Who gave her permission?”— Joffrey, when Lady Margaery climbs out of her honeycombed boob on stilts and begins to walk though Flea Bottom. No one gave her permission, Joffrey, because she doesn’t need permission. 4 points
- Our Lady of Unfortunate Marriages stops in an orphanage and hands out toys to the children. I see you, Margaery: kissing babies, stepping in poo puddles. You are a master politician. 2 points
- Out manipulating the master manipulator, Cersei Lannister? This girl is on fire. 3 points from Alicia Keys and Katniss Everdeen
The Biggest Feminist This Week: Thanks to a few toy soliders and a clingy dress, Margaery Tyrell is GoT‘s biggest feminist of the week. Congratulations, Margaery! You didn’t have to show your boobs in the premiere, your fiancé isn’t sleeping with your brother, and you have enough wheat and barley for everyone — things are on the up and up!
Our Takeaway: You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Try bringing a little Margaery Tyrell realness to your next tough meeting.