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Girls Recap: The Most Unrealistic Cab Ride Of All Time

This week on Girls, three of our four leading ladies went to a horrible-looking warehouse party in Bushwick together (“All of Brooklyn and 2/3 of Manhattan will be here,” Jessa says, which seems like a gross exaggeration at best given that it’s Bushwick), where they encountered their fourth — Shoshanna, who had been at the party for two hours without speaking to anyone. Here’s how the night went down:

Marnie goes over to say hi to Charlie, whose band is playing a set that night. At first she’s politely condescending, telling him “Nice to see that you’re playing…all I ever wanted for you was to find satisfaction outside of our relationship,” but Charlie flips the script on her because he’s rebounding hard with a tiny, pretty brunette named Audrey. Marnie takes this very poorly, calling him a sociopath and telling her woes to an unfortunate stranger who happens to be sitting on the same couch as her, until he stands up and walks away when she’s mid-sentence. Rather than take bitter comfort in the knowledge that Audrey Of The Tribal Headband is probably not the girl Charlie’s going to marry, Marnie finds Elijah and pulls him away from the dude he’s making out with to unload on him. He calls her out for being selfish and making him listen to the same whining “from 2006,” and reveals that he and Marnie made out once sophomore year (which I think is before he started dating Hannah, but it seems like Marnie has kept it a secret). Things escalate to a slapfight, and Marnie yells “I’m never coming back to Bushwick again,” which only serves to emphasize the good head she has on her shoulders, in my opinion.

Shoshanna smokes what she thinks is weed in the line for the bathroom, but it’s actually crack. Whoops. She launches herself at Jessa, who promises to be her Crack Spirit Guide but abandons her almost immediately. She asks Charlie’s straight talking friend Ray to watch Shoshanna, but as soon as Jessa leaves Shoshanna takes off, and Ray chases her through the warehouses of Brooklyn until she kickboxes him into submission wearing only her top and some Spanx. She apologizes and offers to massage him “in a non-sexual” way and they look like they have a moment. They’re cute, I support it.

Jessa left Shoshanna because her boss James LeGros showed up at the party. As it turns out, he had texted her earlier that evening, but she didn’t recognize the number and replied with the address of the party just for fun. They bond but when Jessa heckles some sinister-looking dudes, James LeGros is the one who gets beaten up on the dance floor. She takes him to the ER where he asks her to spend the night through undignified sobs, and she realizes, “I can’t do this kind of thing anymore.” He sits up, calls her a tease, and then leaves. She offers him friendship; he says they were never friends. “You work for my kids,” he sighs on his way out. Inappropriate all around.

Hannah loses her friends almost immediately, spotting Adam dancing spastically with a friend, a curly-haired girl named Tako who tells Hannah that Adam’s in Alcoholics Anonymous and is surprised that Hannah had no idea, considering it’s “the defining thing about him.” Wounded, Hannah seeks Adam out and he pulls her in to dance with him, before asking if she wants to go hunt down some scrap metal for the self-destructing boat he wants to sail down the Hudson for the 4th of July. She agrees to go, but her mood sours when she gets launched off the handlebars of his bike onto the pavement. She calls Marnie to come and get her, and asks Adam why he didn’t tell her he was in AA. He loses it, yelling that she never asked, and that all she ever wants to talk about is how he feels about her and what he thinks of her, and he’s not going to offer information about himself unprompted. Hannah clearly feels bad, but right then Marnie shows up in a cab (and I actually yelled at the screen here, because what yellow cab is going to take you on a wild goose chase through the warehouses of Bushwick to find your friend? Only on TV) and demands that Hannah leave with her.

“What do you want from me? Do you want me to be your boyfriend?” Adam yells at Hannah. We cut to the three of them, plus Adam’s bike, wedged into the back of the cab, and judging by the beatific smile on Hannah’s face, the answer is yes. Oh, boy. See you next week!

TAGS: girls | HBO | lena dunham

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