Read of the Day: “‘Negroni Season’: The Fan Fiction”
4:30 pm, August 6th | by Colette McIntyre
Today’s read of the day is an unconventional fan fiction by two hilarious ladies. “Negroni Season” was an infamous tale in a four-part series of infamous tales about how one particular man was The World Boyfriend In The World. Although “Negroni Season” was published three years and three months ago, Mallory Ortberg and Nicole Cliffe have revived the horror story with a hilarious fan fic.
“Give us your wallet,” the mugger said”
When no response came, he rubbed the blade along my throat, causing a thin line of red to appear.
“I made that wallet out of duct tape, I’m pretty into it.”
“Okay, just hand me the money, then. I’ll kill her, I swear.” I could feel his hand waver.
“This is happening really quickly. I need a minute to clear my head.”
Ten minutes later, as the mugger and I stood in the alley, we realized he wasn’t coming back.
“Shit,” he said. “I mean, I’m not usually in the business of telling people how to live their lives, but you could do better.”
“Actually,” he said, “in fairness, the bike share program was kind of my idea.”
“I don’t ever remember hearing you talk about it,” I said.
“Well, I did. I even drew it out on a napkin.” He started rummaging through the piles of old magazines and Gatorade bottles and socks littering his desks. “I kept the napkin somewhere. I still have it.” His head disappeared underneath a stack of notebooks. “Fuck,” he said, somewhat muffled.
“I don’t think they’ll take a napkin as evidence,” I said.
To read the full piece, click here.