Introducing Little Black Dress Vodka, Because What, Absolut And Grey Goose Are Too Manly?
6:30 pm, February 29th | by Hillary Reinsberg
We really thought we’d seen it all when it came to ridiculous liquors marketed specifically to women. Heck, we did a whole investigation on the subject just yesterday! But flying gracefully into in our inboxes today was a press release announcing this new little surprise: LITTLE BLACK DRESS VODKA.
LBDV “is designed specifically to capture the essence of what women want in a cocktail: fuss-free, burn-free, and flavorful, with an eye toward calorie count.” Neat!
Yikes. That’s almost as bad as, and also quite reminiscent of, the pitch for that other lady booze “Qream”: “for contemporary women who work hard and want to relax with friends at the end of the day.”
In addition to plain old tasteless vodka, LBDV will also come in the gag-inducing varieties of ”pineapple honey, blueberry pomegranate, and black cherry-vanilla.” Black cherry vanilla! Not a flavor we’ve ever even heard of before!
From what we’ve learned in our quest to investigate the lady liquor industry, here’s the general protocol:
1. Take a regular liquor.
2. Maybe make up some gross flavors.
3. Create girly logo/packaging/name. Celebrity endorsement optional (though obviously ideal).
4. Write press release stating that women just need a totally laid-back, but also prissy booze, that is also very “accessible.”
5. SELL SELL SELL.