Read of the Day: “Casting Call For My Internal Biopic”
6:00 pm, August 21st | by Colette McIntyre
In today’s Read of the Day, Joyce Miller writes the casting call for her internal, untitled biopic which tells the story of ”a struggling auteur who achieves fame and fortune after getting dumped by her boyfriend.”
Production takes place evenings and weekends in conversations muttered half aloud while pacing through my apartment alone. Plans to premiere in unprecedented verbal eruptions at social gatherings where alcohol is served. Will continue to play and replay itself in an unbroken loop on the backdrop of my psyche for the better part of a year.
This is an ultra-low budget agreement with deferred payment. Lead actors will receive a stipend of $100.
MEE, Lead (Female, 27, unconventionally beautiful): The type of creative visionary who comes along once every several generations, influencing thinkers and poets for centuries to come.Must be able to sing an entire opera in Cockney accent. Ten minute long simulated public sex scene with implied nudity. THIS ROLEHAS BEEN CAST. SEEKING STAND-IN ONLY: SHARON STONE LOOKALIKE.
JOEL, Supporting (Male, 32, downtrodden with an air of malevolence): MEE’s ex-boyfriend. Fancies himself L’Enfant Terrible of Ridgewood, Queens. In fact is staunchly Victorian. Abandons MEE when he discovers she’s developing a Cockney-Opera-Screenplay based on their relationship, Mee Struggle, and is threatened by the prospect of her success. Undiagnosed pathological narcissist. Harbors a weird, Freudian resentment of Sean Connery. Ultimately rushes the stage to propose to MEEfollowing the premiere of Mee Struggle, but is punched in the face by my new boyfriend. Requires ability to cry on cue.
GABRIELLA, Supporting (Female, Ukrainian, 35-40, plus-sized): Character role requires expert comic timing. Current fiancé of JOEL, for whom her loathing increases daily. GABRIELLA is actually nineteen years old, but looks a weathered thirty-five. Met Joel through an online “dating” service for Ukrainian women seeking American men. In each new scene, she has an even more hilarious fake story for how they got engaged! Used to be very skinny, judging by her 1000+ glamour shots and clubbing selfies on Facebook, but gained lots of weight eating all the yummy American food. In the end MEEsponsors her citizenship so she can finally leave JOEL. Goes on to a successful wrestling career. Ability to speak in broken Russian/English with thick accent is a plus.
To read the full casting call, click here.