Read of the Day: “Common Household Ghosts”
5:30 pm, November 8th | by Colette McIntyre
In today’s Read of the Day, we identify the real culprit behind all of your missing socks and it’s PRETTY SPOOKY. Where’s Theresa Caputo when you need her?!
WoooOOOooo! I am the Dryer Sock Ghost! You’re very familiar with my work, though I seldom get credit for it! I steal your sock from the dryer! One sock! WoooOOOooo! No, it is not the work of the Sock Fairy! No, it is not the work of the Hungry Dryer! It’s me! WoooOOOooo! When I was alive, I worked for an ad agency! I was known for wearing only one sock, because I was such a creative guy! WoooOOOooo! Now I take your favorite sock out of the dryer! And I wear it! I wish you could see me, standing in your laundry room when you’re away, wearing one sock! WoooOOOooo!
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WoooOOOooo! I am the Bobby Pin Ghost! WoooOOOooo! I start haunting when you bring home the Target 90-pack of bobby pins! Within a week, 90 bobby pins—gone! WoooOOOooo! How can I lose 90 bobby pins in a week, you ask! Answer: You can’t! It’s me! I hoard your bobby pins! It’s a problem! WoooOOOooo! And when you no longer need bobby pins, because you’re wearing your hair in a different style, I give back your bobby pins! Here’s a bobby pin! On the couch! There, on the microwave! Over there, in the dusty corner of the closet! WoooOOOooo!
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WoooOOOooo! I am the Ghost That Kills Birds and Brings Them Into Your House! WoooOOOooo! Your cat gets total credit for this! Every time! And she accepts this credit, which is the most frustrating thing! Such a cat move! WoooOOOooo! She’s like some Hollywood producer giving her Oscar speech, when everyone knows it was the writer/director who made the movie! I am the writer/director! I killed that bird and brought it to you! Your cat has never killed anything! WoooOOOooo!
For more common household ghosts, click here.