Read of the Day: “Idle Thoughts Which, If Verbalized, Ruin Sex”
6:00 pm, August 19th | by Colette McIntyre
In today’s Read of the Day, The Toast’s Nicole Cliffe knows what we’re thinking, how unsexy it is, and that we’ve had “Blurred Lines” stuck in our head for the past five months. Will no one help us stop singing about a good girl who we know wants it?!? Anyone? Mom? #Thicke?
This kind of reminds me of that scene we just saw on The Sopranos where Tony has a two-second fantasy of nailing the female mob boss from behind while he’s dressed like a Gladiator.
You’re the hottest bitch in this place.
Ronald Reagan once told a reporter he liked having sex in the afternoon best, just after showering.
Italian restaurants really need to cool it with the almond extract in all the desserts. You don’t need to taste almond extract for the next five hours. I wonder what cyanide tastes like? I mean, “bitter almonds,” but what does that mean?
Adderall makes having sex feel like the good parts of Flowers For Algernon before he starts getting dumb again.
I keep hearin’ you’re concerned about my happiness / but all that thought you’re givin’ me is conscience I guess…did people decide that band-aid on the back of his head was where his soul was taken out, and that’s what’s in the suitcase?
I’m going to write a pilot about gay ladies on the LPGA tour who compete by day and exchange witty barbs and fuck by night, and even men will watch it because golf and gay ladies.
It’s great that everyone’s sharing this spoon tip for women in arranged marriages, but aren’t men going to start looking for the spoons now?
Would we have to show golf every episode? Probably.
To read the full piece, click here.