Read of the Day: “You are a Gravy Boat”
5:30 pm, December 6th | by Colette McIntyre
In today’s Read of the Day, McSweeney’s reminds a gravy boat that its job is integral to a holiday meal. If anyone is willing to deliver a similar rousing speech to us every morning when we struggle to put our socks on, that would be appreciated.
I know you’re comparing yourself to the water pitcher. But the water pitcher could just as easily be a sangria pitcher. Was the water pitcher created to pour just one thing? Is the water pitcher an heirloom? Can the water pitcher say it’s a serving utensil that is also a vehicle? You are a boat! A boat… on a table!
YOU HOLD GIBLETS AND YOU ARE MADE OF CHINAWITH A PLATINUM RIM AND YOU ARE A GRAVYBOAT!
We all know that inside you, along with giblets, you have the potential for greatness. We know that when you go out there you’ll be ready for anything. Uncle Lou could be holding you, talking all animated about composting then—wham!—someone mentions Sofia Vergara and he weakens his grip. But you’ll hold it together! You’ll keep your focus.
Or Marcy could try some new rub and the turkey’s too dry. You’ll be in demand even more. You could get awkwardly handed off to Grandma Elaine the vegetarian. You could hear “pass the gravy” from opposite sides of the table and have to know this family’s convoluted hierarchy to know which way you’re gonna get passed first.
YOU COULD GET STUCK TO A PAPER DOILY!
But you? You’ll proudly stand upon the stained rims of the gravy boats that came before you. You’ll think of contingencies. You’ll have a plan!
For more inspiration, click here.