Reporter Sabrina Rodriguez Gets Felt Up by a Baboon During Live Segment
3:31 pm, September 26th | by Colette McIntyre
I realize that this is our second story in as many days about someone getting felt up and, after much thought, I think I am okay with being on the second base beat. Besides, the stories are completely different: in one scenario the perpetrator was a wild, sexually aggressive primate with close-set eyes and a protruding buttocks; in this one it was a baboon. (*rimshot* Classic misdirection! TAKE THAT MARLON BRANDO, YOU INCREDIBLE STAR OF THE SILVER SCREEN WHOM I ACTUALLY TOTALLY RESPECT!)
Poor local Sacramento reporter Sabrina Rodriguez: as if covering a local harvest festival wasn’t bad enough, a baboon named Mickey grabbed onto one of her breasts during the live segment and didn’t let go. Lodi Grape Festival? More like Lodi GROPE Festival, amirite?!
KTXL FOX40 better give Rodriguez a raise; I mean, she certainly proved her mettle, finishing her story even though a massive primate was giving her breast the ol’ Harpo Marx. There is no way I could stand around and chat about grapes if that hell-spawn was bearing his teeth and feeling me up. I would immediately start to cry and scream, “Take your stinkin’ paws off me, you damn dirty ape!” I would probably leave my boob behind if it was the only way I could escape.