Politics

Which GOP Candidate Would Have Been The Most Fun High School Friend?

If we’ve learned anything from this rollercoaster of a Republican primary race, it’s that a person’s high school identity determines nothing about an individual’s future success. The three top contenders couldn’t have been more different in their teen years — Mitt Romney was the big man on campus, Newt Gingrich was somewhat of a rebel loner, and Rick Santorum was just a regular sporty dude — yet they’re all eagerly competing for the presidency. Whether you’re an outsider, the golden boy, or just another face in the crowd in high school, you can grow up to run for one of the most powerful positions in the world.

They’ve evolved considerably since their more carefree days, but in light of BuzzFeed’s discovery of one of Santorum’s high school photos, we’ve dug up each candidate’s back story and concluded which guy we would have most wanted to hang out with during high school. Why are we doing this? Because we were curious. And because we wanted some insight into what brought these fellows to where they are now. Here’s our ranking from our first preference to last:

1. Mitt Romney: If there was a “Most Changed Since Freshman Year” superlative at Romney’s high school, we think he would have won the accolade. Romney entered the elite all-boys Cranbook School as a “tall, skinny, gawky” seventh grader with “a bad complexion,” but left a Stanford-bound “serious student and a good-looking teen,” according to the Deseret News. He also asked for his girlfriend, Ann Davies’s hand in marriage towards the very end of high school, so even at a young age, he knew how to find something he liked and stick with it…well, kind of. Though he didn’t totally process it at the time, Ann was special, as she inquired about Mormonism when he first tried to kiss her. Similar to most high school boys, Romney was “more interested in physical expressions of love” than than religious discussion in that moment, but soon realized she was just trying to figure him out and a keeper as such. Romney may have been a looker even back then, but he wasn’t a top football player. This didn’t stop him from enjoying himself though, as he “loved to laugh and pull off pranks, once staging an elaborate formal dinner in the median strip of a busy thoroughfare,” so you could count on him for a good time. During Romney’s junior year, his dad became governor, but Romney “downplayed his father’s fame” and made his own name by coming to the rescue during a school fire:

“Mitt’s heroism consisted of opening the building’s front door and directing the firefighters toward the small blaze.”

Unlike many high school boys, Romney had it together as a teen, and we definitely would have liked to witness his prankster days.

2. Newt Gingrich: As a former outsider, I have a soft spot for nerds, and Gingrich seemed to hold that title in high school. A 1998 Salon article describes the Pennsylvania native as a smart but less-than-stunning teenager whose je ne sais quoi was appreciated by his math instructor:

As a high school student — precocious, lonely, overweight — Newt secretly romanced his geometry teacher, a buxom, matronly woman named Jackie Battley. The furtive romance with his 24-year-old teacher included nighttime sessions in the back of a car in remote areas of Fort Benning, Ga.

Once, Newt and Jackie were so worked up, they got their car caught in a tank trap on the military base and had to call his best friend to rescue them before a daylight exposé, according to the friend’s widow, Linda Tilton. Defying his stepfather, a stern Army colonel, Newt pursued Jackie, married her and promptly had two children.

He was no Fabio, but Gingrich could simultaneously work his charm and woo with his intellect, and I think his rebel streak probably made him much more intriguing than the standard popular folks that pervade all high schools. Even so, tying the knot with one’s teacher is creepy with no exceptions, so that whole relationship would have been hard to overlook or support in high school.

3. Rick Santorum: From what I can see, Santorum didn’t stand out quite the same way as his current rivals did in high school. His father wasn’t governor and he wasn’t hot for teacher, but he did have a goofy nickname:

“His high school nickname was Rooster. He always had a few errant hairs on the back of his head that refused to stay down, and he was dogged and determined like a rooster and never backed down.”

He takes a similar approach to his political views now, even though he sometimes wavers on unusual statements. Considering some of the things one could be called in high school, Rooster isn’t such a bad identity. When he wasn’t preparing for college, he was shooting hoops, even though he was far from MVP:

In high school, Santorum played basketball but was a second teamer. What he lacked in athletic prowess he compensated for with heart.

What he lacked in athletic prowess he compensated for with heart, in other words, he was probably the type to be picked last in P.E. (I was too, so it’s all good, Santorum!). He was sporty enough to manage his high school baseball team, so his leadership skills came through in youth. His lack of pretentiousness was evident even then, and while I love that he proves you don’t have to be an epic stand-out or star in high school to thrive in the real world, I would have liked to have seen him ruffle some feathers before stepping into the public eye. Then again, maybe he was a stealth troublemaker or ladykiller in high school, but if so, he should shed light on it now. Potential voters might actually appreciate that.

TAGS: Ann Romney | mitt romney | newt gingrich | rick santorum

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