Awful
This March 14th, Consider Celebrating “Steak and Blowjob Day” (On Second Thought, Don’t.)
1:30 pm, February 5th | by Colette McIntyre
You know that “hilarious” “friend” of yours, the one you only see at the occasional hometown house party shouting about how he runs the pong table? The guy who quotes Daniel Tosh and liked a page on Facebook called “Why are Black Chicks So Loud?” Well wherever he is, he’s most likely really excited about February. It turns out that his favorite holiday is fast approaching! In just a little over a month, on March 14th, your favorite idiot is going to be celebrating “Steak and Blowjob Day.”
Oh yes, Steak and BJ Day is a real holiday. Well, not “real” in the sense that it is marked on any calendar or recognized by the government, but it does have over 42,000 likes on Facebook and an official website, complete with a whole S/BJ community (and isn’t that what being “real” in 2K13 is all about?). Surprisingly, Steak and BJ Day’s origin story does not involve the Pi Kappa Alpha basement or a party bus parked at an Asher Roth concert; instead, the holiday is the brainchild of one Tom Birdsey, a radio show host based in Boston. Created in 2002, SB&J Day is designed to be the “Man’s Valentine’s Day.” As the official website explains:
You know the drill. Every 14th of February men get the chance to display their fondness for a significant other by showering them with gifts, flowers, dinner, and many other romantic baubles. They rack their brains for that one special gift that will show their spouse that they truly care. Well here’s a little secret: men feel a tad left out. They’re just too proud or too embarrassed to admit it. Sure seeing that smile on their face is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Which is why this very holiday was created. March 14th is henceforth “Steak and Blowjob Day.” Simple, effective and self explanatory; this holiday has been created so that the ladies can show their man how much they truly care for him. [Sic, forever]
So: in order to counteract the overwhelming pressure and expectations placed on all men on Valentine’s Day, on March 14th, men “are gifted with those most masculine of gifts: a steak and a blowjob.” Personally, I think the most masculine of gifts would be a flaming chainsaw that played Black Sabbath, had a pork handle, and smelled like lightning, but, you know, to each their own. Tomato, blowjob-o.
“Steak and Blowjob Day” is supposed to be an alternative to Valentine’s Day since Valentine’s Day is ALL FOR ladies? Oh, so is that why in the days leading up to February 14th women are encouraged to go out and buy expensive and tacky sheer bras and candied thongs? Is that why, every February, I am forced to watch a Victoria’s Secret commercial featuring Alessandra Ambrósio prancing around in an abandoned mansion, dodging pianos and billowing fabric wearing fairy wings and little else, making me hate my thighs and drink more wine than is medically advisable? Because Valentine’s Day IS ALL FOR ME?!? In that case, let me grab my apron and kneepads, sir.
“Steak and Blowjob Day” is the White History Month of holidays; the type of delusional push back based on the idea that men are being asked to do TOO MUCH. Attention SB&J Day fans: Every day is Steak and Blowjob Day. We live in a patriarchal society; if you’re a man, the way our society is is like a personal Valentine to you. Also, Valentine’s Day is also for men! If both halves of a couple aren’t getting something out of a holiday meant to celebrate love then they are both doing it wrong.
And let’s not even get into the argument that a man “deserves” a slab of meat and a sexual favor for remembering to get his girlfriend a Whitman’s sampler and a card in which he only signed his own name. Even if you are 90′s-era Nick Carter and you have just taken me on an hot air balloon ride over a mountaintop where you’ve spelled out my name in puppies, the whole rigmarole is meaningless if the goal is just to make me feel like I owe you. A relationship between two adults isn’t modeled on an ol’ timey general store on the Oregon Trail: you can’t barter, trade, and tally up what you are “owed.” Well, I guess you can but don’t be surprised if your “Steak and Blowjob Day” turns into Defrosted Hungry-Man and Handjob In Your New Studio Apartment Day.
Before any anonymous commenters start lecturing me on how the holiday is “just a joke” and I should “lighten up”, let me say this: a sexist joke is still sexist. The problem with hipster sexism/ironic sexism/liberal sexism is that it still trashes women and reinforces the same tired stereotypes, the only difference being that women are less inclined to challenge it for fear of being ridiculed. For the record, the eating of good food and of good people are both things that I very much support, but only when it is reciprocated and not extracted by making women feel guilty about being treated nicely one day a year. Plus, March 14th is already booked: it’s Pi Day, and that is truly sacred.
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