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Awful

This March 14th, Consider Celebrating “Steak and Blowjob Day” (On Second Thought, Don’t.)


You know that “hilarious” “friend” of yours, the one you only see at the occasional hometown house party shouting about how he runs the pong table? The guy who quotes Daniel Tosh and liked a page on Facebook called “Why are Black Chicks So Loud?” Well wherever he is, he’s most likely really excited about February. It turns out that his favorite holiday is fast approaching! In just a little over a month, on March 14th, your favorite idiot is going to be celebrating “Steak and Blowjob Day.”

Oh yes, Steak and BJ Day is a real holiday. Well, not “real” in the sense that it is marked on any calendar or recognized by the government, but it does have over 42,000 likes on Facebook and an official website, complete with a whole S/BJ community (and isn’t that what being “real” in 2K13 is all about?). Surprisingly, Steak and BJ Day’s origin story does not involve the Pi Kappa Alpha basement or a party bus parked at an Asher Roth concert; instead, the holiday is the brainchild of one Tom Birdsey, a radio show host based in Boston. Created in 2002, SB&J Day is designed to be the “Man’s Valentine’s Day.” As the official website explains:

You know the drill. Every 14th of February men get the chance to display their fondness for a significant other by showering them with gifts, flowers, dinner, and many other romantic baubles. They rack their brains for that one special gift that will show their spouse that they truly care. Well here’s a little secret: men feel a tad left out. They’re just too proud or too embarrassed to admit it. Sure seeing that smile on their face is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Which is why this very holiday was created. March 14th is henceforth “Steak and Blowjob Day.” Simple, effective and self explanatory; this holiday has been created so that the ladies can show their man how much they truly care for him. [Sic, forever]

So: in order to counteract the overwhelming pressure and expectations placed on all men on Valentine’s Day, on March 14th, men “are gifted with those most masculine of gifts: a steak and a blowjob.” Personally, I think the most masculine of gifts would be a flaming chainsaw that played Black Sabbath, had a pork handle, and smelled like lightning, but, you know, to each their own. Tomato, blowjob-o.

“Steak and Blowjob Day” is supposed to be an alternative to Valentine’s Day since Valentine’s Day is ALL FOR ladies? Oh, so is that why in the days leading up to February 14th women are encouraged to go out and buy expensive and tacky sheer bras and candied thongs? Is that why, every February, I am forced to watch a Victoria’s Secret commercial featuring Alessandra Ambrósio prancing around in an abandoned mansion, dodging pianos and billowing fabric wearing fairy wings and little else, making me hate my thighs and drink more wine than is medically advisable? Because Valentine’s Day IS ALL FOR ME?!? In that case, let me grab my apron and kneepads, sir.

“Steak and Blowjob Day” is the White History Month of holidays; the type of delusional push back based on the idea that men are being asked to do TOO MUCH. Attention SB&J Day fans: Every day is Steak and Blowjob Day. We live in a patriarchal society; if you’re a man, the way our society is is like a personal Valentine to you. Also, Valentine’s Day is also for men! If both halves of a couple aren’t getting something out of a holiday meant to celebrate love then they are both doing it wrong.

And let’s not even get into the argument that a man “deserves” a slab of meat and a sexual favor for remembering to get his girlfriend a Whitman’s sampler and a card in which he only signed his own name. Even if you are 90′s-era Nick Carter and you have just taken me on an hot air balloon ride over a mountaintop where you’ve spelled out my name in puppies, the whole rigmarole is meaningless if the goal is just to make me feel like I owe you. A relationship between two adults isn’t modeled on an ol’ timey general store on the Oregon Trail: you can’t barter, trade, and tally up what you are “owed.” Well, I guess you can but don’t be surprised if your “Steak and Blowjob Day” turns into Defrosted Hungry-Man and Handjob In Your New Studio Apartment Day.

Before any anonymous commenters start lecturing me on how the holiday is “just a joke” and I should “lighten up”, let me say this: a sexist joke is still sexist. The problem with hipster sexism/ironic sexism/liberal sexism is that it still trashes women and reinforces the same tired stereotypes, the only difference being that women are less inclined to challenge it for fear of being ridiculed. For the record, the eating of good food and of good people are both things that I very much support, but only when it is reciprocated and not extracted by making women feel guilty about being treated nicely one day a year. Plus, March 14th is already booked: it’s Pi Day, and that is truly sacred.

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  • Orestes Ippeau

    Why do you hate America?

  • Anonymous

    This is parody, right? A woman whining in the USA in 2013 about a ‘patriarchal society’ and bitching that ironic sexuality still ‘trashes’ women. Tell me that a guy pretending to be a nutty feminist wrote this.

    Please…

    PS Or perhaps it came from her –> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkXWqLBTTVg

  • Anonymous

    Steak for those who like steak; pie for those who like pie.

    Problem solved.

  • Anonymous

    We should have a White History Month. How can that be denied?

  • TJ

    Right on cue, good ol’ Dave can fit his ‘discrimination of whites’ meme into anything.

    Give it a rest, bud.

  • Orestes Ippeau

    And b.j.’s all ’round. Progress!

  • Orestes Ippeau

    Teh Stoopid never sleeps.

  • Anonymous

    So, no steak then?

  • Anonymous

    Let us know the next time you pay for Valentine’s dinner!

  • Anonymous

    seriously? how is the concept of a patriarchy even a viable argument anymore?

  • Anonymous

    and more importantly, are you seriously defending valentine’s day as some bastion of feminist values? Typical internet feminist. You have no conception of actual gender/sex/sexuality ideals so you just make them up as you go along.

  • Anonymous

    “Also, Valentine’s Day is also for men!”

    Validity of argument vaporized

  • http://twitter.com/josiesgarden20 Josie Robinson

    Can’t stand Feb 14 It is a made up holiday I expressly forbid my honey from doing any of the Traditional crap flowers dinner ect. I would not expect him to cook me a steak either.

  • Sarah McQueen

    My, but teh menz are testy when you try and decry socially obligated meat and fellatio. Meh, V day and S and BJ day are both equally made up and stupid. If my fiance wants to celebrate either, I will, but because I want to and not because I owe him anything.

  • http://www.facebook.com/james.monks.9 James Monks

    I’m offended by the fact that you’re offended. Now everybody is offended, there ya go, equality, are you happy now?

  • Stephen

    Listen, toots, I wake up every AM make my girlfriend breakfast, lunch for work and dinner when I get home…I rub her feet after a long day of teaching…she is a strong woman and I a man…but let us have a laugh and hell, why not a blowjob and some red meat…or just roast beef. Relax sweetheart

  • http://www.facebook.com/christopher.bennett.790 Christopher Bennett

    awww poor girl. everyone deals with discrimination. grow some balls. stop crying like a lil bitch. and deal with it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/erwin.peters.986 Erwin Peters

    I will not give your rad-fem rethorics about a patriarchy any further comment.

    What i will say is this. Men don’t typically ask for what they want, they just try their best to earn it. If a girl loves her boyfriend and is aware of the event it’s a great way to show affection. It has nothing to do with valentines day being about women because that is, as you say, questionable. Although someone’s typical boyfriend has nothing to do that women are “forced” to watch on tv and feel insecure about. I do not see why you consider that a valid argument for your otherwise valid point there.

    Anyway. This has nothing to do with forcing anyone to do anything. It’s an opportunity to demonstrate how much you care. Sometimes people (yes, women too) forget about that. This is a nice way to break any unattentive patterns people might have unknowingly developped towards their boyfriends.

    I’m sorry to rain on your egocentrical feminist-rant, but it is not about you. I’d be surprised if you even have someone that you love enough to do this for. You’re so full of hate.

  • http://www.facebook.com/KittenOfChaos Sophi ‘Kittie’ Brown

    At the end of the day, no one forces you to celebrate either. Most men work hard (as do their female counterpart). Who are you to deny a man a day of indulgence. Most of us find it difficult to set aside time for each other as it is, many of us are too exhausted from slogging away at a desk all day or whatever it is we do to put bread on the table. Lots of women need to feel feminine, celebrated, sexy even. Why shouldn’t men want the same. You’re way to caught up in your ideals to recognise the bigger issue here. Some relationships founder and fail because the spark goes away, passion dwindles, the fire goes out. What could be sexier than a meal and foreplay? Isn’t that what women demand regularly to ‘get them in the mood’? And at the end of the day, if your man isn’t worth making the odd sandwich for, or steak, or spending twenty minutes on your knees… …he’s not worth being with. Amen.

  • Boichee

    Lighten up. If you don’t like men, that’s your choice — why do the rest of us have to feel the same? And just for the record, if there’s anything about SB&J day that’s offensive, it’s the idea that women don’t enjoy sex unless they’re being coerced by a holiday.

  • http://www.facebook.com/davidwu619 David Wu

    ” For the record, the eating of good food and of good people are both things that I very much support.” Um I don’t think any guy would want a bj from you.

  • roxphonyx

    Wow Colette, you sound like a real hoot. A chick who is jaded AND has no sense of humor??…Yes please! Lol, feel sorry for the poor sap that puts a ring on your finger. Lighten up, my little pussy fart. You might find you’ll be more attractive to the opposite sex. Entertain our admittedly low-brow and immature humor. You might find we actually want to spend time with you and not lie to you so we can escape and hang out with our guy friends instead, where we’re not being meticulously analyzed and monitored.

  • Anonymous

    I had to turn down the Tori Amos, set my Riesling down and reply to this before getting back to my Sex & the City marathon…wow…generalizing gets pretty contagious.

    “Personally, I think the most masculine of gifts would be a flaming chainsaw that played Black Sabbath, had a pork handle, and smelled like lightning, but, you know, to each their own. Tomato, blowjob-o.”

    Wow…so you try to be funny with your article, but fail to see the humor in the holiday. So it’s only funny if it meats with your feminsta manifesto?

    “The problem with hipster sexism/ironic sexism/liberal sexism is that it still trashes women and reinforces the same tired stereotypes, the only difference being that women are less inclined to challenge it for fear of being ridiculed.”

    And what’s this? Hipster feminism? The only thing deserving of ridicule is how you approached this article. I had no idea what Steak & BJ day was…until today when my female co-worker mentioned it. Sorry there are women out there like you that obviously have some serious man-issues. We, men, celebrate women for being women…I’m glad most women aren’t like you and instead they celebrate men for being men.

  • Todd

    Everyday is S&BJ day? I’ll take that deal. You come through with that and I’ll happily cross March 14 off of the calendar.

  • Michael vP

    Female co-worker mentioned it? Should have jumped on that!

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