Ever been wary of those people who walk around offering “free hugs”? You could have a good sense for trouble. Missouri law officials are looking into charging “an alleged serial hugger,” also known as “Jack the Gripper,” for pretending to be acquainted with women and coercing them into hugs.

You may already know that we’re not fans of creepers here at The Jane Dough, but the only thing worse than a classless creep is one who justifies his disturbing antics with a B.S. excuse. Take for instance the bus driver who said “excessive caffeine” intake was to blame for his groping of several teens and two women. Then there are the lovely NYPD cops who told Brooklyn women to avoid dresses and skirts lest they wanted to be sexually assaulted. Here are a few insane justifications for headline-making creepy behavior.

There’s no other way of saying this: Creepers are everywhere. They catcall you on your way to work, moan at you on the streets, holler at you in the grocery store pasta aisle when you’re wearing the most unsexy, non-suggestive attire possible, and stare you down at the subway platform with their creeper friends. They’re also at your place of employment, so don’t think you can escape totes inappropes lurkers in the professional world. In the words of Mediaite editor Alex Alvarez, perhaps the Apocalypse would be a good thing given the number of creepers on our soil.

Because I love trashing creepers and was appalled by the DeSales University employee who recently filmed his colleague using a breast pump at work because it turned him on (in other words, he’s never gotten laid), I decided to do a roundup of the creepiest coworker stories that have appeared in the news. Here are a few scandals about office creepers who really ought to be locked up somewhere, preferably at chez Sheriff Arpaio, where they can be humiliated almost as badly as they humiliate and demean women daily with their disgusting and inexcusable behavior.