This is the future (or at least, we sure hope it is).

In today’s EOD roundup, The Guardian has condensed all the papal conclave speculation into one simple polar question and, in the grand tradition of IsItChristmas.com, made a website: IsThereWhiteSmoke.com. Oh, and in case you were wondering — so far the answer has been “no.”

If you’re like me, you see just one notification from a friend’s Mafia Wars or FarmVille game as a valid justification for blocking said friend on Facebook. I don’t need your requests for a new farm carousel fooling me into thinking that someone actually cares about me, thank you very much. (Besides, what type of farm has a CAROUSEL? Who is going to ride on it — your corn crops? And why is your farm themed “Enchanted Glen”? Get out my face with that Neopets nonsense.) But not all Facebook games are created equal; a new type of social network game launched yesterday, one that hopes to raise awareness for the impediments and dangers women face worldwide.

Just a friendly reminder that Facebook knows everything you’re doing on the internet, even after you’ve logged out.

In between frantic sips of your iced skinny mocha and texts to your mother asking her to please stop editing your LinkedIn page, a Google Alert pops up on your iPhone screen. There’s a new article out on Marissa Mayer, a.k.a. the CEO of Yahoo, a.k.a. your spirit animal. You look at the time and reason that the minutes you spend reading this now can be made up later; looks like “go to the bathroom” is getting pushed from your Google Calendar once again.

In today’s EOD roundup, everyone has been talking about the new Facebook feature that was launched earlier today. Called “Graph Search,” the search engine is basically your technological best friend, pouring you another glass of wine as you insult your ex’s new vacation photos that were previously so hard to find.

In today’s EOD Roundup, a Florida woman found her estranged husband in bed with his girlfriend and retaliated by pooping on his kitchen floor. Look like someone had a case of the ol’ Al Rokers.

I realize I’m in the minority here, but I think more people should start digitally altering their Facebook photos. Hear me out.

The Facebook powerhouse tells us Millenial women should never underestimate the power of networking or building strong professional relationships.

Did you know one out of every five minutes you spend online are spent on social media networks? Did you know that half of all Facebook users say they use the site to compare themselves to other people? Yep, Facebook is making us all a little nuts.