Imagine this: you’re a man out to buy a Valentine’s Day gift for the special lady in your life. You brought along your friend The Daily Mail to help you select the perfect present but things went a little awry — the Mail kept telling you that all your girlfriend really wanted was a hug or a romantic gesture, poking your chest with unreasonable force as he said it. You ditched him after he started crying in Jared the Galleria about how lonely he was, and now you are really up the Valentine’s Day creek without a chocolate-covered paddle.

Imagine this: you’re a man out to buy a Valentine’s Day gift for your girlfriend and you decided to bring along your good friend The Daily Mail for some company and advice. You and The Daily Mail have been friends for awhile now — you met while trying out for your school’s water polo team (which the Mail didn’t make since he punched the captain) and while he can be sort of a jerk sometimes, he seems to know a lot about the ladies.

In today’s EOD roundup, The Atlantic argues that Downton Abbey‘s contented relationships makes the show “more satisfying and intimate” as opposed to boring. (Ahem, The Office.) We’d agree but let’s be honest — we’re only in it for the Dowager Countess and the gay footman-turned-valet-turned-underbutler drama.