The Jane Dough’s Unconventional Holiday Gift Guide
12:11 pm, December 24th | by Kady Ruth Ashcraft and Colette McIntyre
As we are sure your breakdown in the middle of a Queens Sephora’s over your sister’s preferred composition of eyeliner (liquid? pencil? quill!?) taught you, picking out gifts for your family and friends is incredibly hard — and these are the living creatures you allegedly spend the most time with! (We say “allegedly” because we know number one on that list would be your cat.) What do you get the people in your life for whom Hallmark doesn’t carry a ready-made card? What do you buy for the bodega cashier who sells you your Saturday night drunk BLTs? What says “Merry Christmas and I’m sorry that I threw up on your cat”? We’re here to help! Below checkout our gift guide for the…. “special” people in your life, whose names you may or may not know.
Your Hook Up Buddy
A five pack of plain tees. Of course you don’t want to get them anything too nice; you aren’t dating them! Also, this is really a gift for yourself: ideally you can start using these shirts to sleep in, which would be step up from your hook-up’s stained “Remember The Night: Prom ’06″ XXL tee.
The Woman At Your Bus Stop
You don’t know her too well but she does have that phone app that tells you when the bus is coming, plus she sometimes asks for help on her crossword puzzle. In this day and age of only making eye contact with your smartphone, that basically makes you two best friends! Why not heighten the friendship and buy her one of those “Free & Cheap Events Guide” for your town? She probably has the listings clipped out of the local newspaper but at least now all the free samba classes will be in one place.
The Librarian Who Doesn’t Charge You Late Fees
I mean, what do you buy someone who is like an angel on earth? Well, not a book because they have their pick of those; not a database subscription (tempting!) because I’m sure they’re incredibly picky when it comes to that and you’ll never get it exactly right. I think a safe bet is a leather-bound flask: what with the endless amount of creeps looking up porn on the public computers or the no-goodniks rolling joints in the study carrels, your librarian needs a stiff drink every once in awhile.
A Coworker Who Loudly Recounts Last Night’s Episode of “The Voice”
Set them up with their own Tumblr. If they seem miffed at the cheap gift, splurge on a custom layout.
Your Cousin’s Boyfriend Who You Thought Was Still In Jail
A copy of Eat, Pray, Love. I heard that book really turns people’s lives around. Or perhaps knee socks to cover his ankle monitor.