The Time Cameron Esposito Met and Hugged a Topless Terminator
5:30 pm, February 3rd | by Colette McIntyre
We have been pretty flagrant in our love for Cameron Esposito; I mean, we don’t include just anyone on our list of the thirty female comedians under 35. Unsurprisingly, we were right to keep an eye on the Chicago-born comedian: today’s Read of the Day is the first installment of Esposito’s new series for AV Club, “Who in the World is Cameron Esposito?” The personal essay involves three of our favorite things: traveling, penguins, and The Terminator franchise.
T3 features my favorite Terminator character: the female Terminator. Fans like myself would call her the “Terminatrix.” Her arms can turn into guns and knives, but in the film, when she is pulled over by the police for speeding, she makes the decision to enlarge her robot breasts to try and sexy her way out of a speeding ticket. I like that she’s a lady with a wide range of skills. It’s like she has a buffet of abilities that she can pick from to defeat you, and she doesn’t have to use violence. But she can.
The Terminatrix is played by an actor called Kristanna Loken. She also had a bit part in the television series The L Word. Now if you are a lady who dates ladies like myself, The L Word is a little bit like the Bible: You don’t have to agree with its teachings, but you have to know about them. So if you were to do a Venn diagram of my interests—robot shoot-’em-ups and lesbians in the media—Kristanna Loken’s right there in my sweet spot.
Back to the penguin beach. We were at the beach when my girlfriend got a call from a bunch of her friends. They were like, “What’re you up to?” She was like, “We’re at the penguin beach.” They show up to join us and bring a friend. Their friend? Kristanna Loken. THE TERMINATRIX. Kristanna was in Cape Town filming a movie and looking for some downtime. Now, I understand that for many of you this wouldn’t be a big deal. For me, this was heart-stopping, and her arrival brought up the question: At what point when meeting a new friend do you let that person know in casual conversation that you own them as an action figure? I’m talking mint on card.
I went with “never.” I didn’t say a thing. I just sat on a rock, in Africa, surrounded by penguins, hangin’ with the Terminatrix, and just tried to be charming as hell. It was hot and many of the gals took their tops off and enjoyed the rays wearing only bikini bottoms. This included Kristanna. Of course, she is just a regular person and sweet and normal to chat with, but imagine your reaction if you ended up in a steam room with a pantsless Arnold Schwarzenegger (and you weren’t his maid). Yeah, each Terminator film features its Terminators time-traveling in the nude, but you don’t expect you’ll ever be able to verify the accuracy of those nude shots with your own non-scanning human eyes.
To read the full story, click here.