USPS Launching a Clothing Line
11:45 am, February 21st | by Colette McIntyre
In true things that are actually happening in reality without the aid of a genie or a sexy devil that looks like Elizabeth Hurley news, the United States Postal Service announced plans to release a clothing line by the year 2014. Pith helmets for everyone!
The venture will focus on high performance, all-weather clothing and will be called “Rain Heat & Snow”, a name inspired by the famous mail carrier motto: “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.” It’s about time that I own some clothes that can withstand the gloom of night.
For design and financing, the USPS has elicited the help of Wahconah Group, Inc. which, according to the USPS’ press release, is “a minority-owned company based in Cleveland, OH, with extensive experience in the fashion apparel industry.” Shockingly, the Postal Service isn’t turning to the season one cast of Project Runway for help. (Which is a damn shame since I was really hoping that Austin Scarlett would model the whole line.)
Postal Service Corporate Licensing Manager Steven Mills said, “The main focus will be to produce…apparel and accessories using technology to create ‘smart apparel’ — also known as wearable electronics.” Spokesman Roy Betts tried to explain all this fashion 2.0 mumbo jumbo to your grandmother, who just wanted to know if the post office had any 46-cent stamps with Ol’ Blue Eyes on them, telling her, “If you like your iPod, you can plug it right into your jacket, regulate the volume and make your selections right on your sleeve.” Your grandmother didn’t know whose pod he was talking about, but the man seemed very nice. A little sad, maybe.
The USPS plans to open a showroom in the garment district to place the “product in premier department and special stores.” For now, Rain Heat & Snow is “all-season clothing for men, ranging from headgear, footwear, jackets, coats and shirts.” But to all you ladies who were hoping to look evil-hunter-from-Jumanji chic, don’t fret — Rain Heat & Snow will expand to a women’s clothing line later in the year.
I don’t know about you, but I am thrilled. Every time the mail carrier comes to my building in the year 2014, I’m going to hustle my bermuda-short-and-knee-high-sock-wearing self to the door and yell, “HEY, JOAN RIVERS: WHO WORE IT BETTER?!” The answer will always be me and no, the joke will never get old.