Vanderpump Rules: Perhaps There Would Be Less Drama If Anybody Actually Worked On This Show
5:30 pm, January 22nd | by Meredith Lepore
I don’t want to jump the gun or anything, but Vanderpump Rules may be the best television show ever made in the history of the world. Beautiful people sleeping together and working in a reality star’s restaurant. It’s like Cheers combined with The Hills. Lisa Vanderpump is basically like God on this show, if God were a bit more like Joan Collins on Dynasty.
In case you didn’t know, everyone on this show who is a bartender or a waitress is also an aspiring model or actor. These are models and actresses who book jobs “like, all the time,” just not often enough to support them full time (although we suspect this crowd runs up pretty high bar tabs, so who knows). The episode opens with Kristen Doute borrowing foundation from her extremely straight boyfriend (who owns more makeup than Lady Gaga), Tom. Kristin is soooo not your typical model. I mean, she doesn’t even like makeup (and she doesn’t have to buy it since she lives with Tom!) We visit a clearly Bravo-sponsored magazine photoshoot where Kristen’s coworker Stassi Schroeder is also being photographed. Kristen, who is crazy jealous of anyone her boyfriend slept with before they ever dated, freaks out because she discovers that one of the models on the shoot slept with her boyfriend years ago. Super professional.
We also get a taste of the epic drama that is the relationship between Stassi and Jax (wasn’t there a couple on General Hospital with the same name?), or “Jassi,” as I like to call them. It turns out Stassi has rebounded from her relationship with Jax with bartender and coworker Frank. This makes Jax mad because he fist pumped with Frank, like, just earlier that day. So he follows Stassi to a horrible night club, and she ends up ditching Frank to go home with Jax. But then we find out from Frank that Jax allegedly cheated on Stassi a few months ago and got a girl pregnant in Vegas. Again, all of this seems very healthy.
Cut to Stassi’s apartment the next morning, where Frank and some other random people are holding a vigil for Jassi. Stassi is devastated and furious because this kind of thing just doesn’t happen to part time models, so she offers everyone Jax’s supply of Cristal. When Jax discovers this he packs all his stuff in a bag and takes his dog to Tom’s. That’ll show her.
Nobody seems to really work during this episode, except for Scheana and her extremely long earrings. Oh, and then Lisa’s French businesspartner (wasn’t it a Spanish man last week?) realized that Stassi is a terrible employee and tried to fire her, but Lisa knows Stassi is good for the show so she decides to just suspend her for a week. Earlier Lisa also defends Kristen for being a damn good waitress but admits she’s also a drama queen/crazy person. Lisa sure knows how to pick ‘em!
Next week the cast goes to Vegas — like, all of them. There’s no one left to work in the restaurant except for Scheana and her earrings. Conundrum! I do love me some Lisa Vanderpump, but I am not sure if she knows how to be a good manager. Sure, dressing hot girls in uniforms that double as handkerchiefs is smart, but these people make the cast of The Hills look like workaholics.