Women’s History Month Smackdown: The Finals
12:30 pm, March 27th | by Colette McIntyre
Earlier this month, we put together a March Madness bracket in honor of Women’s History Month, featuring some of the most impressive, famous and notorious women in American history. This week, we match up the final two to see who will emerge victorious.
Ann Richards v. Alice Roosevelt Longworth
So we have made it: the final two in our Women’s History Month Smackdown and I must say, I couldn’t have picked two finer finalists myself. In one corner, we have Ann “the Lone Star” Richards, a Lakeview, Texas native who served as the Governor of Texas from 1991 to 1995. In the other corner, standing with a pet snake and lit cigarette, the fashion icon and President’s daughter, Alice “the Other Washington Monument” Roosevelt Longworth!
Richards and Roosevelt were both game-changing political figures; in fact, I bet if Alice Roosevelt was born a few decades later, she would’ve been Ann Richards 1.0, i.e., a political candidate in her own right. Since choosing between these two legendary women on merits alone would be impossible, I have decided to set up a quip off of epic proportions. Richards and Roosevelt were famous for their deadly wits; at the end of this, there is sure to be just one woman standing.
Ann: “Let me tell you that I am the only child of a very rough-talking father. So don’t be embarrassed about your language. I’ve either heard it or I can top it.”
Alice: “My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.”
On Human Abilities
Ann: “Let me tell you, sisters, seeing dried egg on a plate in the morning is a lot dirtier than anything I’ve had to deal with in politics.”
Alice: “The Hoover Vacuum Cleaner is more exciting than the president. But, of course, it’s electric.”
On Male Politicians
Ann: “I am delighted to be here with you this evening, because after listening to George Bush all these years, I figured you needed to know what a real Texas accent sounds like.”
Alice: (On Calvin Coolidge) “He looks as though he’s been weaned on a pickle.”
Ann: “I did not want my tombstone to read, ‘She kept a really clean house.’ I think I’d like them to remember me by saying, ‘She opened government to everyone.’”
Alice: “I have a simple philosophy. Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. And scratch where it itches.”
Ann: “If you give us the chance, we can perform. After all, Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels.”
Alice: “They expect me to wear a halo and I only wear a hat.”
- Ann Richards (67%, 8 Votes)
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth (33%, 4 Votes)
Total Voters: 12