The Worst Commercials Of Super Bowl 2013
1:05 pm, February 4th | by
So much perfection was on display last night at the Super Bowl: Jacoby Jones’ 109 yard return that resulted in a touchdown, Colin Kaepernick’s beauty, Joe Flacco referring to the Baltimore Raven’s win as “ f*ckin’ awesome.” Even the Super Dome blackout was kind of perfect — it was the only appropriate response to Beyonce’s halftime performance. Unfortunately, the perfection parade failed to extend to the commercial breaks: as always, advertisers chose to fill their premium ad spots with tired jokes about men and women, amirite, we’re here all week. In case you wisely DVR’d the Puppy Bowl to switch to at commercial breaks, check out our gallery below of the worst offerings from the Super Bowl.
It looks like Motorola decided to go all Go Daddy on us this year, using a sexy lady (this time
Megan Fox) as a sexy prop to sell their non-sexy product. It isn't just the commercial's pandering that bugs us — it's also that the spot fails to ring true. I mean, we all know that Megan Fox is too busy tracking down Bigfoot and preparing for the apocalypse to waste her time with baths and selfies.
GET IN YOUR
PARENTS' AUDI, DRIVE TO PROM, OVERWHELM A GIRL WITH YOUR HORNY TEEN KISSES, GET PUNCHED BY HER BOYFRIEND (?) BUT NOT THE GIRL BECAUSE LESSON ONE: GIRLS SECRETLY LIKE THAT STUFF/"NO" REALLY MEANS "YES." CONGRATULATIONS, UR A MAN NOW.
Is this supposed to be a progressive riff on the "lady washing a car" trope? If so, Mercedes-Benz
failed. The whole commercial can be summed up as "legs, boobs, suggestive foam in lady's hand, car, car, boobs, car, boobs, boobs, boobs."
An offensive Go Daddy commercial?! Say it isn't so! This time around,
the ol' dogs at Go Daddy rely heavily on the science logic that unattractive people = gross + LOLs. Oh, and they throw a sexy lady in there as well, because what else are ladies for? Buy a domain name.
also spent Super Bowl 2013 depicting women as nags and their men as wearied creative types. It's good to know that only men think of great ideas deserving of domain names — obviously women's ideas are only good for the recipe binder or the wastebasket. HA HA, GOT YOU! WOMEN DON'T HAVE IDEAS!
Aren't all West Indians
cheerful and laidback, just living everyday like it's Bob Marley song played on the ukulele at a wedding? What is this "stereotype" that you speak of?
A MAN taking care of a CHILD? Don't make me
Nothing is sacred in man's unyielding pursuit of sex. Not even babies. (Do any dudes get depressed about the way they are depicted in Super Bowl commercials? Because they should.)
As a man, the key to surviving a one night stand is to escape as quickly as possible.
Gildan knows this. You see, if a woman wakes up and finds you in her bed, you are hers . (The practice goes back to the Old English adage, "Thou who hath found it canst keepeth it.") What starts as breakfast ends in castration. Women don't want casual sex or one night stands — they want your penis in their medicine cabinet and couple's trips to the Home Depot to look at paint chips.
Nothing is more tasteful than leveraging military service and sacrifice to sell 4x4 off-road SUVs. Where are our
Beyoncé gifs at?