Your Complete Guide to Yule Log Videos on YouTube
3:30 pm, December 20th | by Kady Ruth Ashcraft and Colette McIntyre
After a long day of holiday shopping, caroling, awkward office parties, and newletters from your extended family detailing your cousin’s slew of accomplishments in 2013, you deserve to throw back a glass (or two) of the nog and sit in front of a blazing fire. The problem? You either live in a shitty apartment, sans fireplace, or you’re just too wondrously lazy to even think about lighting a fire yourself. Lucky for you, it is 2013 in the year of our Lord and not only is man able to tame God’s most dangerous element, but we have also captured the blaze in digital form. Gather round children as we present The Jane Dough’s penultimate (we aren’t promising anything) guide to choosing the best Yule Log video for seasonal pleasure.
Best No-Frills Yule Log: “The Best Fireplace Video (3 Hours Long)”
The title of this video really says it all: this is the best fireplace video and it is three hours long. That’s what you’re really looking for when you click on a Yule Log video: not a crackling fire or vibrant flames, but explication and honesty. Throughout the clip, a person readjusts the burning pile and adds logs; that, along with the soft crackling, which is never too jarring or repetitive, provides an almost-tangible, comforting warmth. Traditional, reliable, and relaxing, this fireplace video lives up to its name.
Most American: “3 Hours of Christmas music with Fireplace”
It isn’t any secret there is a full-fledged war on Christmas. We love this particular video because it allows us to put our feet up and get some much-needed relaxation without having to take a break from fighting the good fight: thanks to the three-hour medley of Christmas classics that plays over the blaze, we can get cozy and continue to preserve what is good and right about this country. VIGILANCE — that’s what Christmas is all about.
The Yule Log Most Suitable for Burners: “Fireplace IV – Native American Flute – Drums”
What this campfire video lacks in length it more than makes up for with rhythmic melodies of native flutes and drums. Not only does YouTube user BodyMindPower bring us outside of the home, she brings us outside of our body jail. Thank Buddah this isn’t a real fire because the calming assonance would lull you right to sleep and your house would burn down!
The Yule Log Most Suitable for Millennials: Lil Bub’s Magical Yule Log Video
[Hat tip to friend of the site, genius baker, and generous lover Taylor Trippe for the link.]
How is it we are so blessed that our Lord and Savior (of the Internet), Lil Bub, appears a Yule Log video? It is only fitting that Lil Bub (and not Scrooge aka Grumpy Cat) stars in such a masterpiece. Her angelic purrs and occasional shortness of breath (is she ok?) are as loud as the fire that roars behind her. (Seriously, that fire is right behind her. Are we the only ones who find that mildly disconcerting?) Holy Bub, so tender and mild, sleep in heavenly Internet fandom.
For The Soulless Heathens Among Us (How did you get in here again?! JK, so glad you are using that spare key we gave you): “Fire Log With Chemicals”
For those of you only soothed by the advances of modern science, this is the clip for you. A hanging log is exposed to a flame which is fueled by different gases throughout the performance: Mollifying Strontium Nitrate in Methanol, glowing Potassium Nitrate in Methanol, sizzling magnesium powder, and of course the Christmas favorite, pure O2. The musical stylings of Alan Stewart, classical pianist, accompany the chemical enterprises.
Most Realistic Yule Log: “Surrounded By Fire”
Aside from the unnecessary talking, this video provides a truly beautiful glimpse of fire out in its natural element. We get it all, from tall lodgepoll pine tree to forest floor shrubbery! I do wish there were some aerial shots but perhaps the video auteurs went over budget when they burned down all their scenery. Too bad!
We hope this guide has been helpful and satisfied the seasonal pyromaniac that lies (in wait) within all of us! Please join us next time when we rank tinsel trees from believable to Minajesty prop.